Diplo-rable!

I know...sorry. I'll talk about Star Trek
or video games or something next time.

I'm sure you thought I was done with this for an entire year and if you want to bail out now, I'll understand. I mean, I'm kind of getting sick of me. Anyway, we're talking about Burning Man again. Yes, again. Oh and that dumb chicken sandwich from the other day. Synergy! Anyway, lookit this. Didn't click? Fine. I'm not sure it's real anyway, but I'm feeling cynical today, so let's assume that it is and-huh? Oh, it's a story about Popeye's delivering chicken sandwiches to Diplo at Burning Man, by private jet of all things.

Ok, so a lot of questions here, first and foremost I think is: the fuck? Next would probably be, who's Diplo? And the last and perhaps most pressing question: No, really, the fuck? 

Above: Diplo DJ-ing at Burning Man. Still not sure how this is a job.

What's in them, meth?
Oh, shit, it's meth isn't it? 

According to the story, Diplo is a DJ and to hear at least one website put it, an EDM lord (holy shit, has it come to this?) to whom Popeye's delivered some of those sold-out chicken sandwiches that everyone's been talking about/suing because of/threatening minimum-wage earning restaurant staff with a gun over while he was at Burning Man. Because famous people I guess. And not just delivered, but delivered by private jet, at least that's what Diplo claims, going so far as to post a dubious photo of himself waving Popeye's bags in the doorway of the jet.

Pictured: Bullshit

Yes, dubious I say. I'm not like a detective or anything but the photo he Instant-grammed is clearly bullshit. I've been to the Black Rock City airport and that's not it in the picture. For one thing, there's pavement. For another, I'm not sure you can land a jet there; I think it's just prop planes. Also, Popeye's doesn't have delivery jets. Also, also if this is a thing that happened and again, still calling bullshit, but if it is, it's the exact opposite of what Burning Man is supposed to be about.

Anyone whose ever used a porta-potty
at the event would know that you don't
want your restaurant in any way associated.

Huh? What is it supposed to be about? You know, I'm not sure I know, but it's not that. Huh? Drugs, self-expression and setting things on fire? Well, yeah, those are all a part of it, but the answer I'm going for is de-commodification. A big part of Burning Man's philosophy is rejecting commercialism and our culture's obsession with things like brand and consumerism. Sure, it's a little pretentious, but there it is. Taking Instagram photos of yourself with greasy Popeye's bags on a private jet in what is almost certainly an advertisement for the fast food chain is pretty commodification-y.

My high horse isn't so high after
a few days without a shower.

And it gets worse. The Papermag.com article refers to the event as "the kooky billionaire rave" which, I mean, fuck you guys. I know I said as recently as Monday that I'm a little over people treating it like a some kind of spiritual retreat, but goddamn, a kooky billionaire rave? You wound me. Yes, there has been a noticeable increase in the number of plug and play camps-that is camps populated by people who pay third parties for ticket packages with luxury RV's and meals and-no joke-wardrobe consulting, but most of the people there aren't that.

Pictured: a blight.

Sure, we may secretly envy their air conditioning but we're never going to admit it. But the point is that nobody cares if you're famous and rich at Burning Man. In fact, the general sentiment, if I may be so bold as to speak for 80,000 people, is that the ultra-rich-and way too clean for the desert-tourists who roll in at the end of the week looking to get fucked up and party are kind of a blight on the event. Yet for whatever reason, celebrities going to Burning Man has been like half the news coverage this year. Well, I say for whatever reason, but I suppose the reason would be our cultural obsession with celebrities.

Here, Lookit this nonsense about Paris Hilton:

"Paris Hilton's adventures at Burning Man got so wild that she ended up straddling an electric unicorn and was instantly named Festival Queen."

-Some idiot, reporting for Yahoo News

"Living my best life at #BurningMan with my #SpiritAnimal"

-Actual caption, no really

Incidentally, why is she a famous?

I'm pretty sure mounting an LED unicorn isn't enough to get anyone named "Festival Queen," partly because that's not a thing there and no one gives a shit, but also because that's fairly tame for Burning Man. People skydive at Burning Man. People get tattoos. This is an event that has both orgy and thunder domes. I was offered a flaming enema this year. A flaming enema. I turned it down, but not everybody did. Paris Hilton rode a light-up horse. I don't want to be some kind of Burn-evengelist, but this kind of thing just bothers me for some reason. Well, I say some reason...

Maybe it's because it all just kind of plays in to a fundamental misunderstanding of what the event is about on the part of people who've never been there. Maybe I just don't like getting lumped in with the kind of people who go to Coachella. Or maybe it's because I can't stand to see the ten days out of the year I get to spend not getting bombarded by advertisements and celebrity news getting ruined by some jackass shilling fast food on Instagram.

Oh, and people are also upset about DJ Flume performing
a sex act on stage, but I mean, at least he wasn't selling anything.