If Schrödinger's Cat was a Tweet...

"Ah! That counts as a bow! Welcome
back to the British Empire! Suckers..."

-Elizabeth II, Queen of America

Hey, remember that time President Obama sort of made a polite bow while shaking hands with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia at the G20 conference? Yeah, it was back in 2009. Technically the State Department advises against bowing, but it's not like illegal or anything. Presidents often bow when meeting royalty, and bowing to say, Queen Elizabeth II doesn't negate the Declaration of Independence or anything, it's just a bow. A courtesy. Anyway, Obama bowed and the conservatives lost their goddamn minds.

But the reason I bring all of this up isn't because I want to make fun of President Trump for his recent, super-embarrassing visit with Queen Elizabeth. Instead I bring it up because of his super-embarrassing joint press conference with Vladimir Putin in which Donald Trump stopped just short of pledging his undying loyalty to mother Russia and Putin's glorious regime. Long may he reign.

"Put'er there yer highnessness!"

-Some goon

"Shirtless Bear to Orange Goon: Initiate 
Helsinki Protocol. Codeword: Covfefe."

In what everyone in the world is calling a an-ill advised political shit show of apocalyptic proportions, President Trump blamed both countries for the shitty U.S.-Russian elections. You know, sort of like how whenever a neo-Nazi drives over a protestor they're both kind of at fault? This after meeting alone with the Russian President for two hours. I'm not saying that this was just a ruse so Putin could debrief his butterscotch coiffured sleeper agent while cackling about everything going according to plan in a room with a giant light-up map of the world.

But I'm not not saying that either. So after the not-at-all shady, closed door meeting with the the guy whom every intelligence agency in America says manipulated our electoral system to instal the former host of The Apprentice, Trump went on to insist that Russia had nothing to do with his winning the 2016 election. Because they said they didn't. And why would they lie?

"I asked him if he meddled in our election to help me win and he said no. I mean
hey, if you can't trust an ex-KGB strongman who disappears political enemies and
 has functionally declared himself President-for-life, who can you trust? Amiright?"

-Same goon, different day

Pictured: Harrison Ford tackling a
terrorist is the Republican equivalent of
porn. Well, aside from actual porn that is...

Which, great. Ok, so now the official White House policy is that we should just get over how anti-everything we stand for the Russian government is and just be cool with all the meddling that totally didn't happen you guys. I mean, why aren't the GOP losing their shit over this? They love this paranoid, Cold-War, Tom Clancy-bullshit. It literally arouses them. Sexually. Shouldn't they be holding press conferences demanding his immediate resignation for treason or high crimes against flag and country or something?  It's-oh, hey, some of them are.

Paul Ryan said "There is no question that Russia interfered in our election and continues attempts to undermine democracy here and around the world." Lindsay Graham said that by not calling Putin on his bullshit, "will be seen as a sign of weakness and create far more problems than it solves." It's almost like after a year and a half, they're finally realizing what a terrible idea this whole thing was.

"One of the most disgraceful performances
by an American President in memory!"

-Raves John McCain of the Boston Herald

Above: this. But like the car is America
and...look, I kind of got lost in the
 metaphor, but you get the picture, right?

Which is great and all, but why isn't anyone in the GOP doing anything about it? Like the President's staff is still letting him tweet and go in front of cameras like...like some kind of toddler who's somehow gotten ahold of the keys to a car and rigged some kind of, I don't know, a thing to operate the peddles. Huh? Uh...maybe with like a broom handle or something? Anyway, and now he's careening down the street while the rest of us are just looking on, unable or unwilling to do anything because we simply didn't see anything like this ever happening. Oh, and also the toddler is drunk.

Like, we can rant and foam at the mouth all we want about the parade of terrifying nonsense that is the administration, but until the Republicans line up against him too, this isn't going to stop any time soon. And speaking of things that defy all reason and sanity, did you see this tweet? Which one? The one below:

Wai-wai-wait...

Ok, in this analogy, the cat is Russian
interference, which is both real and not
real depending on the President's mood.

I guess it must take a special kind of stable genius to argue that the Russian interference in the 2016 election is real when he's using it to complain about Obama or attack Hillary Clinton, but a total fabrication when anyone suggests that's how he got his job, but holy shit everyone. Somehow, in his mind, the fact of Russian interference is simultaneously real and fake news and only by tweeting about it does the wave form collapse and it becomes one or the other.

I think this tweet is emblematic of the problem the GOP finds itself in right now. On the one hand, mindlessly nodding along with the crazy spouted by Trump wins the Republican base, but when he goes off the rails like this, they loose whatever rational conservatives haven't jumped ship yet. He is simultaneously their pipeline to the ignorant racist vote and ballot box poison. You almost have to feel bad for them.

Almost. I mean, their novelty candidate may well have
 doomed us all. So in may ways, fuck these guys.