Right trigger it is...

So remember that video game we talked about the other day? Tomodachi whatever? Just click here or scroll down or something, it'll save us some time. With me? Great. So it looks like Nintendo has decided not to add a same-sex couple option to the game despite Tye Marini's Facebook and Twitter campaigns and the fact that it's just the right thing to do.

"We here at Nintendo believe that pretend marriage should be
between one imaginary man and one imaginary woman."

-Nintendo

Lame right? Yes, but it's also bullshit. Behold:

Basically what they're doing.

"Nintendo never intended to make any form of social commentary with the launch of 'Tomodachi Life...The relationship options in the game represent a playful alternate world rather than a real-life simulation... Tomodachi Life was intended to be a whimsical and quirky game, and that we were absolutely not trying to provide social commentary."

-Nintendo, dancing around the 

issue in a statement to the AP

See? Bullshit. Whimsy and quirk are goddamn elements on the periodic table of gay and what exactly is a playful alternate word and why can't there be gay people in it? Is the game set in Tennessee or the 1950's or something? 

Above: A quirky alternate world where divorce was illegal
and some people had to use the other water fountain.

Chicken abuse: totally fine.
Gay marriage: social commentary.

No? Then what's the problem? Look, nobody was accusing them of providing social commentary, it was just some fans asking to feel included. And for real, what's the big deal? It's like a software patch or maybe some DLC. At the very least they could have said something like: You know what? You're right. Our bad. Tomodachi 2 will totally have hot man-Mii on man-Mii and lady-Mii on lady-Mii action. Thanks for playing! Now was that so hard? Instead of seizing an opportunity to do something cool and maybe expand their audience a little the company has decided to stay the course.

Eyestrain and nausea:
The future of gaming is here!

Aside from being kind of a dick move, is this really the time for Nintendo to be alienating people? They just posted a huge $229 million dollar loss and I'm not like a business guy or anything, but I think they can chalk it up to the company's poor communication skills and stubborn refusal to change with the times. It's sort of their thing. Remember Virtual Boy? No? Exactly. It was a semi-portable 3D console with an all-red display, incredibly shitty battery life and a tendency to make people puke if they play for more than a few minutes at a time. So it's not like Nintendo is unwilling to take risks.

Dave and Kevin making
a social commentary.

I think what they were trying to say with their statement is that Nintendo wants to stay away from politics and that's cool. I get that. The point I think they're missing is that for a lot of people, same-sex relationships have moved away from politics. People don't want to feel like a demographic, people want to feel invited to the party. By creating a quirky alternate world that doesn't include gay and lesbian couples Nintendo is implicitly saying that the LGBT community is a political issue to be avoided in polite company.

"If you buy a Wii U, I will totally marry a dude. Seriously."

-Nintendo President Satoru Iwata,

again, kind of missing the point