Let's Appreciate Chick-fil-A®!

Thousands of Americans braved long lines and arterial blockages today to come out in un-support of gay marriage. Yup, it's Chick-fil-A® Appreciation Day: a special day set aside to recognize the irrational bigotry of people who stand by Chick-fil-A® CEO (and notable furry) Dan Cathy® and his homophobic comments.

'I think it's time we Christians took a stand against the intolerant attitude of progressives.
Who are they to tell us who we can and can't discriminate against? I mean, isn't this America?'

-Pat Boone, apparently unaware 

of irony and cholesterol

Pictured: A pair of happy Chick-fil-A® patrons
about to stuff their hate-holes. Enjoy!

Started by Mike Huckabee about a week ago, Chick-fil-A® Appreciation Day is generally observed on the first Wednesday in August. Traditional celebrations include going out to a fast food restaurant, eating breaded chicken and singing Chick-fil-A® Appreciation Day carols. Parents also tell their children the classic Chick-fil-A® Appreciation Day story. It's about two dudes who get married, and then America is destroyed by a wrathful God. It's fun and educational because it teaches kids the true meaning of Chick-fil-A®.

Of course you're probably wondering how marriage equality will ruin the institution and bring our society crashing down around us. Well, it just will, that's all, it says so in the Bible. Where? I don't know, somewhere after the part about the talking snake, but before the fire-breathing lion with seven heads.

'Why shouldn't gays and lesbians enjoy the same rights
as everyone else? Because shut up, that's why.'

-Mike Huckabee, making the
only argument they've got