John Boehner is a Gaycist

Ow...Gay people make my marriage hurt! 
Why isn't someone enforcing DOMA?

Hey, remember DOMA? The Defense of Marriage Act? It's this law that got passed back in '96 when everyone thought you could catch gay from a toilet seat. It basically says that the federal government won't recognize same sex marriage because it confuses old people and somehow destroys non-gay marriage. Anyway, a lot has changed in 15 years and President Obama announced that his administration was no longer going to enforce it because it's an asinine law passed out of ignorance.

Wherever there's injustice, John Boehner
will be there...probably causing it.

Speaking of asinine, check this out. It's an article about how House Republicans led by House Majority Gaycist John Boehner (whose name is actually German for 'boner')* are mobilizing to defend the DOMA (definite article!). Like reverse super-heroes they're swooping in to snatch discrimination from the jaws of equality. Great job guys, way to go. I mean, what does the DOMA do other than hurt people? It's like John Boehner wakes up in the morning, kicks his dog and then sits down with a cup of coffee to think up ways to be a dick.

Ok, he probably doesn't kick the dog (yes, he does)...but what is it with people like Boehner? Do they really think that the tide is going to turn? Like maybe people are just going to give up on equality because John Boehner and House Republicans want to pander to homophobes? Has that ever worked?

"Oh the hell with it Gladys, they're right. If God wanted us to vote, he wouldn't have given us breasts."
"Yeah, you're right Ethel, let's go back to our dreary lives of servitude and orgasm-less sex..." 

Footnotes:
*It really does mean 'boner,' I looked it up.†

Endnotes:
†No, no I didn't really look it up...and no, it doesn't. At least I don't think it does. Wouldn't it be appropriate if it did though?