Today in the patently unlikely:

Pictured: you, I assume.

While the reporting around this makes it clear that this is just a patent and not something that's actually going to happen, a Switch 2 is coming next year and so it's natural for us to--huh? Not "us" just me? Ok, fine. But, I mean, you clicked on my blog, so surely you're at least a little intersted in my ill-researched opinions about videogames, right? Since this is a one-way mode of communication, I'm just going to assume you're agreeing with me and press on. 

I read that Nintendo took out a patent last year for a handheld gaming device with three screens. Yeah, three, which if you recall, is one more than than the all-time record of two screens for the DS series of handhelds. Why three screens? No idea. Why are razor manufacturers constantly trying to add more blades?

Like, if the first blade did it's job...

Come on Nintendo, you're really
be doing the eBay people a solid.

But nerds have a theory: if this is the next iteration of the Switch, a second screen seems to suggest that maybe it could play DS/3DS games. Maybe even the actual cartridges. Which would be great. It doesn't explain the third screen--located on the exterior of the handheld according to the patent application--but it does seem to open the possibility of DS compatibility, the games for which require (at minimum) two screens. There are millions of DS games floating out there, so why not sell us a console that can play them? Just because Nintendo doesn't make money off of used game sales?

"No, it's not a handheld, it's a--no, it's not an
add-on for the Wii, look, it's...nevermind."

-Nintendo, trying to explain the WiiU

Oh, right. They don't. Actually, there're a lot of problems with this theory, not the least of which is that a patent doesn't necessarily mean a product. Sometimes companies take out patents just to beat competitors to the punch. And not for nothing, but the Switch was a simple, easy to understand and market idea: a handheld that also connects to a TV. A Switch that also unfolds into a DS and also also has a third screen might be confusing and without a really clear vision, they could have another WiiU on their hands. 

But I don't mean to dash nerdy hopes. I really do hope it's a new Switch and I love the extra screens and as an old, it would be great to be able to pop in a DS game without having to dig the thing out, but I'm realistic. Between the lack of financial motivation to revisit old hardware and the five-blades of shaving comfort vibes the patent gives off, this feels like more like a patent land-grab to me than the next Switch.

"Yeah, remember the DS with the two screens? What if that but three screens?"

-Someone at Nintendo R&D, shortly 

before being shown the door