Today in falling short of values:

Hey, you don't suppose she's just sorry she got caught, do you? Yeah, we're still on the Boebert thing. Not because it's the worst thing she's ever done--far from it--but because I really hate it when people talk and play with their phones in a theatre. 

There's a seat in hell reserved for people who do this. 
And it's like right next to the kitchen and every time an order
comes out the door hits the back of your chair. For eternity.

We can see you.

Anyway, as mentioned before, Boebert was booted from the musical version of Beetlejuice for vaping, singing, and just generally being a rude, disrespectful asshat to the performers and other audience members. Initially her campaign manager released a smug, sarcastic statement and tried to dunk on the President's border policy because immigrants something something. Oh, and she one hundred percent denied the vaping thing.

And remember that time she tweeted Nancy
Pelosi's location to the January 6th people?

Anyway, video of her vaping made it hard for her to continue to deny it. Which is weird and a little disappointing given that she's kind of famous for saying things that are patently contrary to objective reality, and then loosing her shit on anyone who dares challenge her. Like, remember that time Joe Biden got elected? Yeah, well, she still insists that he lost. Which he didn't, but that hasn't stopped her and like the entire Republican Party from barking rabid foamed-ly about conspiracies. 

The least she could have done was insisted that it was some kind of deep-fake made up by Hillary Clinton and the President of Antifa. 

"Now who's being naive? Hillary Clinton is the President of Antifa."

-a thing Lauren Boebert definitely said*

This family. The one she handed guns to
to use as props in her Christmas card.

So today brought a new statement in which she apologized/blamed it on her divorce:

"There's no perfect blueprint for going through a public and difficult divorce, which over the pat few months has made for a challenging time for me and my entire family. I've tried to handle it with strength and grace as best I can, but I simply fell short of my values on Sunday. That's unacceptable and I'm sorry."

-Lauren Boebert, "apologizing"

Pictured: Boebert's values.

Um, ok. Wow. Couple of things. First, what even are her values? Secondly, yes, there's no blueprint, but not being a dick to people seems pretty standard. And I realize I'm giving her shit for suggesting that her divorce made her do it, but that was actually a kind of sincere-sounding apology. If it wasn't coming from her, I might even buy it. Or would had come on the day after the self-appointed judge of all things family values was caught on video having a little grope party with her date in a crowded theatre. 

To be clear, the issue here isn't the consensual groping (other than the idea that nobody in the theatre signed up to witness that). And it's not the date. Or the divorce. It's the presenting herself as some kind Evangelical role model, calling queer people groomers, and then grabbing her date's junk in public. Oh, and then making up some nonsense almost a week later about not living up to her values. 

"Take your children to church, not drag bars!"

-the U.S. congresswoman seen 

here doing hand stuff in public 

*sure, why not?