Breaking News: Commerce is kinda gross.

Hey, do you know what's not news? Huh? Yeah, actually, the pumpkin contest thing from the other day was not news. I'm glad you're with me on that. But do you know what else isn't news? Amazon having a sale.

This just in: a company that sells things is selling things
for slightly less money in the hope that you'll buy more things.

"Give it a rest, not everything's a scoop."

-Some reporter

And yet a simple internet search of the words Prime Day yields a list of articles from news sites falling over one another to tell us all about the best savings and deals and it's gross right? Like, I get that we're past any sense of, uh, what do you call it? You know, that thing that reporters used to have back when the object was to report on things that happened and not sell us shit? Ah! Got it: journalistic integrity. We're past journalistic integrity, as a thing. Which I find troubling. Not in a "back in my day" news sources had standards, but in a--wait, I think they might have?

I don't know. The shift from reporting on news and shilling happened so gradually, I'm not sure I can put my finger on when the changeover happened, but it did. I mean look at this:

Pictured: not news. At best it's free advertising. At least I think it's free?
Wait, does Amazon own CNN? Or maybe a company that owns a company that
owns CNN? Wow...end stage capitalism is a hell of thing, isn't it?

I mean, basically, right?

The piece above doesn't even have that little "sponsored" disclaimer. Just a line of fine print at the top explaining that:

"Content is created by CNN Underscored's team of editors who work independently from he CNN newsroom. When you buy links through our site, we may earn commission. Learn more."

-CNN's legal department's Fig Leaf division

"Must...buy more...fulfillment..."

-Some consumer

Learn more? Ok. If you click on the link it takes you to an explanation of CNN Underscored: "an online shopping and product review guide covering deals, tech, style...and more. We research and test to find the best products and deals so you can live a smarter, simpler, and more fulfilling life." And--wait, a more fulfilling life? Through shopping? That's bleak, right? Like, it's not just me? Anyway, they go on to say that the Underscored Team works with editorial independence. And gets commissions.

Wait, people like money, don't they?

So they're editorially independent from CNN, but also get money from the manufacturers whose products they review every time you buy one. And look, I'm not a business person, but if I follow, they make money when we buy the things they review. And if they review things positively, we might be more likely to buy them. So if they write more reviews, then the Underscored team makes more money. But we can totally trust their impartiality, right? Because journalistic integrity. God, why am I so cynical?

Oh, right, observation. Look, I'm not picking on CNN. A lot of news sites are running similar "articles" about Prime Day and presenting them as consumer guides and reviews while at the same time accepting money for--what? Why are you laughing at me? Is this--what's that? Going on for years you say? Journalism is dead and these are just the corpses of news sites being operated by corporate interests like that fungus that turns ants into zombies? 

"C'mon, zombie brain fungus is a little harsh don't
you think? I prefer to think of it as synergy."

-some guy