We bid you an indifferent farewell!

Breaking news everybody, Jeff Bezos, one of the world's richest humans is stepping down from his position as Amazon's CEO.

Oh no! Now who's going to strangle American brick and mortar retailers?

"Your plight amuses me. I grant you $100.
Now, be gone! I find your poverty depressing."

-Bezos the First

But, like swapping out a pair of Amazon Basics® AAA batteries in your Roku remote, another CEO, Andy Jassy will step in, and Amazon will presumably continue to absorb all the world's money, like some kind of monopolistic Katamari Damacy. Bezos isn't retiring though, he's just going to spend more time on his aerospace company, putter around with saving the planet and his run his charities. Charities where (one assumes) he'll sit atop a throne, dressed in ermine robes and bestow his largess on the people and causes he deems worthy. Oh, and he owns the Washington Post. You know, just something he picked up a few years ago. I guess what I'm saying is he'll be fine. He can focus beating Elon Musk out for the title of first multi-billionaire to land on Mars. 

Above: some Amazon warehouse
workers, seen here reacting to Bezos'
story about how hard it is to be him. 

Bezos, whose workers just for context, make on average $35,000 per year which is roughly what he makes every twenty seconds, had this to say to Amazon employees:

"Being the CEO of Amazon is a deep responsibility, and it's consuming. When you have a responsibility like that, it's hard to put attention on anything else."

-Jeff Bezos, on how much pressure he's under-

-by the way, in the time it took you to read that,

he made forty grand-no, seriously, that's real

He's clearly not irreplaceable, they've
already named a replacement, so, what gives?

And as we bid an indifferent farewell to the man who made a personal fortune of $185.7 billion dollars running a company that produces nothing, I have to ask, is capitalism like, a prank? I mean for real, the idea is that in a capitalist society, wealth is ideally the reward for business acumen or unique skill. And I don't doubt that Jeff Bezos is really good at making money and maybe even running a company, but is what he does really worth that much of the world's money? Are his skills that unique? 

Look, he's not an X-Man. He doesn't have special powers or anything, he's just someone who, through dumb luck and, I admit, no small amount of business savvy, now controls a significant and downright shameful portion of the country's wealth. So let's dust off the windfall tax and pay down student debt or fund schools or something. He'll still be obscenely wealthy, just less offensively so.

Because this is not a sustainable model.