Well, it's probably for the best then...

Above: a franchise. 

Remember when we talked about how there were not one but three Star Trek movies kicking around? You don't? Well, we did and there were. And a fourth one being pitched, because why not? But it doesn't matter because they're all on hold. Evidently Paramount, the studio that owns the movie rights to Star Trek, has decided to take a breath and try and not run this in to the ground like a certain other space based franchise. And again, I totally hate the term franchise, but it's the word I guess so...

Anyway, since being put on hold, some details about what these takes on the series would have been like have come out. It turns out that the Noah Hawley one was going to be about a space-pandemic that wreaks havoc throughout the galaxy and I guess Paramount decided that that would be just a little too close to home right now.

"We don't have to wear masks because we're smart."

-Some Pakleds

"Yeah mobsters who say "fuck" a lot."

-Quentin Tarantino

So that makes sense, but what doesn't make sense is why Quinten Tarantino's version-yeah, it still sounds weird to talk about Quinten Tarantino's Star Trek movie. Anyway, because he's Quinten Tarantino, his movie was going to be about mobsters. No, really. It was going to be a follow-up to an episode of the original series called "A Piece of the Action" in which the Enterprise encounters an entire planet run by the mob. Like honest to God, Al Capone, nyah, see?, mobsters. Fedoras, suits, Tommy guns, all the tropes.

"Captain, this is preposterous. Even for
us, and I'm a half-alien that can read minds."

-Spock, not buying it

The premise was that a previous starship crew left behind a book about 1920's gangs and the native Sigma Iotians basically made it their bible. It apparently contained everything they needed to pattern their entire civilization after the mob which is weird because why did someone take a coffee table book full of instructions on how to build the afore mentioned fedoras and Tommy guns into space with them in the first place? Anyway, I'm a fan and all, but 1960's Star Trek could get pretty preposterous and I just don't see how space mobsters, even in-or maybe definitely in-the hands of Quentin Tarantino could be anything but a disaster.

And look, I'm not saying Star Trek hasn't had ridiculous moments. In fact, in the most recent film, Star Trek Beyond, Chris Pine defeated the Idris Elba with the power of the Sabotage by The Beastie Boys. But this would have been an ultra-violent take on one of Star Trek's dumbest episodes and given recent events, haven't we been through enough?

What I am saying is that rock monsters once made Kirk and Spock team up
with Abraham Lincoln and Vulcan Jesus to have a fist fight with Genghis Kahn
and Kahless the Unforgettable. Like, how was that not Tarantino's movie?