Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Finally, a job I'm qualified for...

That scene where they ride horses on a
Star Destroyer? Actually I kind of liked that.
Just when you think you've got me sussed...
I...I uh, want to apologize in advance for this one. Partly because I'm about to rag on The Rise of Skywalker again even though I said I wouldn't and partly because the thing I'm about to bring up is dumb. Even by nit-picky nerd standards. I'll understand if you want to-huh? No, it's not about the exposition Hobbit again. Anyway, I'll understand if you want to bail out on-what's that? No, it's not about Ochi of Bestoon's Sith hood ornament although, c'mon, Sith hood ornament? Anyway, it's about Palpatine's skylight. See? Dumb.

Dang, you got me...
Like I was saying, if you want to bail, now's probably the time. No one will think less of you. In fact, they might think more. Still there? Super. So I think a reasonable question here is what's my beef with Palpatine's skylight and why do I even care about it? Well, the answer is I don't. Care that is. Not really. I'm an adult with a job and responsibilities. Sure, sometimes I like a good deep dive into plot holes and inconsistancies, but I'm not loosing sleep over it. And if we're being honest here, half the time I'm just writing about things like this to pad out my nerd blog.

Speaking of padding, the movie opens with Kylo Ren finding his way to Palpatine's planet where he walks under this hovering trapezoidal thing and on to a floating platform elevator that he rides down into the temple proper past looming statues of ancient Sith lords or whatever. Anyway, the operative word here is down, establishing that the room we see Palpatine and his henchmonkies in is underground.
Pictured: The Sith Temple. I think. A lot of this
 movie was blue and kind of hard to see.
This elevator gets more screen
time than Kelly Marie Tran.
Later, Rey goes down there as well to confront Palpatine about the preposterous retcon that is the big twist in the movie and Kylo follows shortly there after. We watch as both characters again take this elevator down into thrown room/amphitheater where Palpatine is hanging out, surrounded by thousands of-I don't know, robed Sith fans? Doesn't matter. What does matter is that Palpatine steals Rey and Kylo's wonder twin powers which restore his incredibly shitty age make-up and grows his fingers back.

You heard me. Newly fingered.
Newly fingered and shriveled, Palpatine then opens up the skylight so he can force-lightning the rebel fleet from the comfort of the Iron Throne. Not enough to wipe them out, just enough to drag out the scene and build dramatic tension. But again, that's not important. What I want to know is how does that skylight open to the sky and not say, to the underside of the trapezoid? Or, better yet, more rock? Because they are like, way underground.

How I ask you? And, again, I don't care, but the movie doesn't either and that's a problem. Don't they have someone to point these things out? Someone to catch plot holes and inconsistencies before the film comes out and jerks on the internet tear it apart? Because if they don't, I'd be happy to offer my services. At a reasonable, yet extravagant salary of course. I mean, c'mon, they've got Disney money now.
Plot holes and inconsistencies like how come the plan Palpatine came up with
after he died was better than anything he came up with while alive? That was a freebie.

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