It's not worth it Dylan...

Better get on that HBO, or people
might not tune in for season nine.

I personally don't love season eight of-huh? Yeah, Game of Thrones again. See, there's a petition. Change.org. Some guy called Dylan in Fort Worth Texas, outraged at the direction his favorite show about murder and magic dinosaurs has been taking, took to the internet demanding that HBO re-shoot the most recent season. How come? Because David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are-in Dylan's words-incompetent. And a million people have signed. A million. So what percentage of that do you suppose is people with their own subscriptions?

I ask because GOT is sort of famously the most pirated thing ever and even when people are watching it on a legitimate subscription, it's often one they share around with friends or family and I'm just not sure you get a lot of room to rail against a TV show if you're stealing it? What? Me? No. Never...

...well, maybe I share my CBS All Access around. But seriously,
$9.99 a month for Big Bang Thorey and like six NCIS shows when
all I watch on it is Star Trek? Seriously, who're the criminals here?

"See? If you never finish something,
people can't hate you for it."

-Some off-duty mall Santa

dressed like a train conductor

Anyway, on the petition, Dylan lays out his case about how Benioff and Weiss are useless without source material and that's why HBO should immediately throw away millions of dollars and months of work from hundreds of talented artists:

"This series deserves a final season that makes sense. Subvert my expectations and make it happen HBO!"

-Dylan, from the internet

Uhhh...I guess you don't necessarily have to have a realistic goal when you set up an internet petition, but wouldn't re-shooting a season of this show cost like, a shit-ton of money? Which is exactly 1,999.99 shit-pounds more then HBO would want to spend given that this is the last season and it's not like they need fans to come back next year.

"Alright people, let's call the cast back in. We're going to re-shoot
season 8 and this time, it's going to make sense. We are goingt
to subvert Dylan's expectations no matter how much it costs!"

-HBO's board

The 'We Shouldn't Have Let
Them Back into the Union" State.

I know that the internet is functionally infinite when it comes to space and that there isn't a limit to the number of causes we can use it to call attention to, but the President is clearly guilty of crimes ranging from obstruction of justice to violating the emoluments clause, Bill Nye is rolling out fuck bombs to call attention to how on fire the planet is and a number of southern states are trying very hard to turn themselves into the Republic of Gilead, so maybe this isn't the hill to die on?

Look, I don't know that I love season eight of Game of Thrones either but I've done the fan outrage thing. Remember the Transformers movies? Or The Hobbit? Or when J. J. Abrams rebooted Star Trek and Spock fought Khan on top of a flying garbage truck and I lost my shit? Well, he did, the did and I did, and it's not worth it Dylan. It's not worth it.

I mean, you've got to admit, it was pretty ridiculous. And what was with Spock shouting
Khaaaan? He sure yells a lot for a Vulcan...like, has J. J. Abrams even seen Star Trek before?
So incompetent! Someone should petition them to remake...oh God...I'm doing it again...