And that's why Sonic is basically Brexit.

We're just the worst, you know that? Fans I mean. There are many other ways that statement can and should be taken: as a country, as a species, but in this instance, I mean fans.

But to be clear, we are, all of us, the worst. In our own ways.

I say that, but still, yikes...

So the computer animated nightmare monster with the uncomfortably sexy legs that is Sonic in the upcoming, but almost certainly terrible movie, Sonic the Hedgehog, should never have been. It's a soulless, market research-fueled re-interpretation of a character that was itself the product of soulless market research. But that said, this re-interpretation had a right to exist, didn't it? Doomed to fail or not, the animators and the film's director had every right to try, didn't they?

Or did they? Evidently not. After the disproportionately rage-filled internet backlash, the studio announced that it was going to 'fix' the character. It will take some time and the movie's been pushed back three months, but according to the director, Jeff Fowler, they're "Taking a little more time to make Sonic just right."

"Get him right? If you figure it out, let us know, ok? We've tried everything, we made him
taller, added new characters, we even gave him a scarf. Frankly, we're out of ideas."

-Sega

Pictured: that time Theresa May resigned
in tears because complex economic
policies were left up to a show of hands.

I think that means that they're going to 'fix' the character to more closely align with fan expectations but I don't think fans know what they want. Not about Sonic, not about Game of Thrones; nothing. We live in a time where everyone's voice can be heard, and that's usually a good thing, except when it's not. Sometimes asking everybody what they think regardless of their level or expertise or worse, despite a complete lack of understanding, can be disastrous.

Maybe the best thing that people who create movies and tv shows and whatever can do would be to just stop listening to fans.

Ok, so it doesn't always turn out for the best,
but I think the principle is sound. 

"Yes, it's another Death Star-but different.
But the same. It's whatever you want it to
be, just please don't sink our metacritic."

-Some Rebel Commander

Take Star Wars for example. First we were upset that the prequels were too different from the original trilogy. Then J. J. Abrams came along and made The Force Awakens, which was better. But it also kind of felt like a retread of the original trilogy. Then Rion Johnson made The Last Jedi and it was even better, but then some people were upset that it was too different from the previous movies. So now J. J. Abrams is back for Episode IX and Obi-Wan's going to be revealed as Rey's secret father or some nonsense.

I made that last bit up, but the point is Disney really needs you to come see the next Star Wars and J. J. Abrams knows how to make safe, crowd pleasing choices so that's why we can hear Emperor Palpatine cackling in the teaser trailer for Episode IX.

J. J. Abrams, a pioneer in the field of knowing exactly what the
fans liked about other movies and then shamelessly recreating it.

Above: Some dumb blog that
you should probably not listen too. 

The phrase 'design by committee' is used to trash something without a clear vision. Sometimes when too many opinions get involved the original idea can get lost. And I'm not arguing against collaboration. I think really great things come out of talented people working together, but there's got to be a balance between artists working in harmony and the shitty results of groupthink. But you can't get there by listening to every idiot with a Twitter account, or an Instagram or say, a dumb blog.

Look, I don't care about Sonic the Hedgehog's calves. And I don't care about how Game of Thrones didn't meet my expectations (which again, it didn't). And if Episode IX sucks, my heart will go on. But I think about these things and talk about them on the internet because sometimes I need a distraction from the shitshow that is the real world. Not because anyone should listen to what I think.

But you've got to admit, those are some sexy calves...