Today in totally plausible explanations:

"No please, go on about my emails..."

-That women we elected

So did you see the thing on Saturday about the President's Tweet? You know, the one about how he fired Mike Flynn for lying to the FBI? Which he did, lie to the FBI about his Russian contacts I mean. In fact he plead guilty to doing just on Friday, which as a member of the Trump transition team can't be good, right? For the administration or for a President who keeps asking everyone to stop investigating him and his associates' connections to Russia. You know, because there's nothing to see here. Move along.

Anyway, the Tweet was weird because it suggests that if Trump knew Flynn had lied to the FBI and then went and asked James Comey to stop investigating Flynn, then it might look like obstruction of justice. Of course this was certainly a big huge misunderstanding, I mean, the President would never Tweet something so blatantly incriminating. Right? ...right?

"So lawful, you wouldn't believe how lawful.
Just like my entire administration. So lawful."

-President Donald 'Lawful' Trump

"Yeah, that's right, I wrote the Tweeter-post
or whatever it is. My client is innocent."

-John '(insert lawyer joke)' Dowd

Gee that's pretty damning...this certainly calls for an immediate investigation into-oh wait, I'm getting something over my earpiece which-huh? Hey, you don't know I'm not wearing an earpiece. Like I was saying, in breaking news you can all breath easy, the President didn't write that buffoonishly self-incriminating Tweet after all. His lawyer did. Yes, today in a mea-culpa, youa-idiotas one of the President's many lawyers, John Dowd, announced that it was he, and not the hot-tempered and famous-for-ill-advised-Tweets Trump, who wrote Saturday's seemingly incriminating Tweet.

Amazing! All my suspicions
have completely vanished!

Well, that settles that. After all, what would Donald Trump's personal attorney have to gain by lying to the American people about something that could possibly bring the Trump administration crashing down in-huh? Where's the proof? Well, according to Dowd, he dictated the Tweet orally to the White House Social Media director who in turn blindly published the Tweet on the President's account. Obviously this raises a more serious issue, namely: "holy shit, is he saying that the White House has a social media director?"

Keep up the good work Dan.

Well, they do and his name is Dan Scavino and he used to run one of Trump's golf courses, and if his name sounds familiar it's because he was charged with an ethics violation like two months into the job. So at least we know that the President chooses his staff with the same scrutiny and high standards that he fills his cabinet with (zing!). Anyway, just to be clear, what Dowd is saying is that this Tweet went through the social media director and still got posted? Which raises further questions.

Questions like: 'Do all Trump's Tweets go through Dan Scavino or just the ones he'd like to disavow?' and 'Exactly how stupid do they think we all are?' Um, far be it from me to question the word of a lawyer who works for probably the least trustworthy person this side of Norse trickster god Loki on opposite day, but seriously? Seriously.

"Ouch...hey! Don't...don't say things you can't take back."

-Loki