Friday, March 3, 2017

Professor X-it!

Settle down, I'm actually not being nice
to you. No, stop smiling! It's unnerving...
So years from now (or months, fingers crossed), when Donald Trump is out of office and we're busy toppling his statues and chiseling his name off monuments like some disgraced pharaoh, let us not forget that if nothing else he brought people together. In common disgust of him and a system that would let an inarticulate goon ride a wave of Russian meddling and white nationalism into power but still, together. It is with rising bile then that I must say Thanks-thanks Donald.

Thanks because Sir Patrick Stewart is applying for U.S. citizenship for the sole purpose of opposing Trump's administration. That's how much he can't stand Trump, he's willing to become one of us just so he can not vote for him in 2020.
His biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own.
Yes, if all my friends drove off a cliff, I'd do
 it to. Clearly there's something awesome
down there and I don't want to miss out.
A long time advocate for important causes like speaking out against domestic violence, and ridiculous causes like robots who collect whale snot (no, really), he made his announcement on The View yesterday, saying:

"...I want to be an American too because all of my friends in Washington said 'There's one thing you can do, fight, fight, oppose, oppose! But I can't do it because I'm not a citizen." 

-Sir Patrick Stewart,
bowing to peer pressure

First we dumped your tea in Boston
Harbor, now this. Your move Britain.
I'm not clear if this means that he's looking into dual citizenship or if he's going full bloody yank here. If the latter, I think that means Stewart, a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company, would have to give up his knighthood. Yeah, they knight people for artistic accomplishments instead of, you know, killing infidels. Stewart might rank high in the nerd pantheon for playing Captain Picard and Professor X, but he's also been Prospero, MacBeth and most recently Poop.

So I hope you'll join me in welcoming Sir Patrick to America as he embarks on the path to citizenship which, since he's famous and white, should be a snap. Welcome to the fight!
"Enjoy America Patrick. Of course, it's not all cowboy hats and tacos with
shells made out of fried chicken. Remember that just under half of them voted
for Donald Trump in the first place. Think about it. Half of them."
-Queen Elizabeth II, menacingly

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