Democracy: We're doing it wrong.

You know, it's probably never ok to point to a terrorist attack as a reason to vote for you, but here we are and here's what Donald Trump said at a campaign rally in Colorado:

"I must tell you, just before I got off the plane a bomb went off in New York and nobody knows exactly what's going on..."

Hang on, if nobody knows what's going on,
then why the fuck are you talking about it?

For all anyone knew, someone's echo-
containment grid could have ruptured.

Let's stop there for a moment. When he made these comments, nobody had confirmed that there was a bomb. I'm not saying that a bomb isn't a reasonable assumption when something explodes, but this is New York, it could have been a gas main or something unintentional, it's just that anyone with any sense would wait for information before putting on their stupid Make America Great Again hat and-Yeah, assumptions, now he's got me doing it. Anyway, he went on:

"...but boy, we are living in a time, we better get very very tough folks..."

Um...I'm going to stop him again. Did he just say that we're living in a time? Because while true, it's awfully vague. Everyone who's ever lived has done so in a time.

Pictured: some of the estimated 107 billion people who have ever lived in a time.

Trump/Pence 2016:
"For stop bad things. America: good."

But moving on:

"...we better get very, very tough [his repetition, not mine, followed by incoherent word-noises], it's a terrible thing what's going on in our world, and in our country, but we are going to get tough and smart and vigilant and we are going to end it." We'll see what it is, we'll see what it is..."

-Donald Trump voicing

his opposition to things

that are terrible

Everyone knows Hillary Clinton is
a friend to the explosion industry...

I...ok, again, what the shit are we talking about? What's a terrible thing? Bombings? Gas main explosions? Because they're both terrible, but to be clear, when he made these comments yesterday nobody had any idea what actually happened in New York. He's just summing up his entire case for voting for him: There's a vague sense that things are bad and if you vote for Trump he will make bad things end. Have we reached a point in our collective disengagement that a candidate doesn't have to say anything substantive at all to-

I mean, has everyone in Colorado
suddenly had their judgement
affected in some-oh...right.

-you know, I'm going to stop myself right there. I just heard myself and think I have my answer. Let's get back to the part where the GOP candidate exploits a developing incident that left 29 people in the hospital to boost his campaign:

"In any event, I am so thrilled to be in Colorado, especially because, espec-especially because...a new poll from Emerson just came out and we're up four points in Colorado..."

Why is he up four points in Colorado? Why is he pulling ahead of Hillary 'Former Secretary of State' Clinton? A candidate who is not only objectively way the fuck more qualified but who can also articulate coherent thoughts? I'm not saying everyone has to like her, I'm just suggesting if Donald Trump wins we might seriously have to consider giving up on democracy. We're obviously doing it wrong.

"Offer's still open....just saying..."

-Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, giving serious

thought as to which portrait to use on our money