Monday, January 25, 2016

Today in ruined childhoods...

Ok, now don't freak out. I'm going to tell you something that might, if I know you as well as I think I do, cause you to freak out a little. Ready?  Here goes: someone is going to remake're freaking out aren't you? Ok, now calm down, because it's not happening, but we'll get to that.
Yeah, I said 'don't freak out...'
Pictured: I think I just figured out why the
Goblins elected David Bowie their king...
Labyrinth, if you've never seen it, is one of those movies your friends will shout at you for never having seen and then will make some vague and insistent demand that you agree to let them show it too you. Don't worry, they almost never follow through. The point is that people are passionate about it. Like really passionate. The movie is a magical tale of child-neglect and creepy muppets in which Jennifer Connelly wishes that her baby brother would get kidnapped by goblins which, because it would be an incredibly dull movie if it didn't, happens. Oh, and David Bowie and his magnificent and un-unseeable codpiece, play the goblin king.

Above: History's greatest
monster, apparently. 
Anyway, the movie wasn't super-successful when it came out, but it was fun. It's weird and full of Jim Henson creatures and probably one of those things you had to be a kid in the eighties to appreciate fully, but it attracted a cult-following on VHS. And by cult I mean rabid-foam ultra-fans. Screenwriter Nicole Perlman, who also co-wrote Guardians of the Galaxy, was immediately tweeted at by angry fans who, upon hearing that she'd be writing a reboot of Labyrinth, accused her of grave robbing. Oh yes, grave-robbing.

Sure, Perlman's actually not remaking the film, but has instead been brought on to write a follow-up. A sequel which has been in the works for like two years, so unless @OMGNotHerAgain is accusing Perlman of being a witch or possibly a time traveler, she's being more than a little unfair:
Above: yikes.
"You know who I hate? Fans."
-Movie Producers
Yes, if you squinted or clicked the link you probably noticed that that @OMGNotHerAgain just accused Perlman of ghoulishly feasting on the memory of David Bowie to make some $$$, which I think must be some kind of emoji for money. Look, I know we all from time to time (say every third post on this blog), get a little crazed about some fannish obsession being mishandled by movie makers who maybe don't appreciate the nostalgia fans attach to things like this, but holy shit.

Oh, and check out @nevedander up there:

"Seriously? How sick are you? Please don't do this. Even a sequel is spitting in my childhoods eye. Don't mess with perfection."

-Twitter user and
cautionary tale @nevedander
Congratulations Nicole Perlman. You're retroactively ruined
@nevedaner's childhood. I hope you're pleased with yourself.

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