Kevin Swanson is a spacist!

So how did I miss this? It's Colorado pastor Kevin Swanson condemning Captain Kirk for having a three-way with two aliens in Star Trek Into Darkness.

Not pictured: The other one. She's in there somewhere.

"What is this thing you
Earthmen call...crabs?"

The source of Swanson's theological icky seems to be that Kirk is getting it on with aliens in the new movie, but has this guy ever even seen Star Trek before? Ask even the most casual fan to tell you what they know about Captain Kirk and I guarantee you that 'has sex with alien chicks' is going to come up right after 'space captain' and 'Shatner.' The man is a veritable grab bag of interstellar STD's. As much as I think that J. J. Abrams doesn't understand Star Trek at all, he at least gets that Kirk + alien woman = snu-snu.

Yes, even the Horta.

Look, there are plenty of reasons not to like Into Darkness: the illogical plot, the mindless action, that bullshit about Khan being a white English guy, but bestiality? That's just, uh, space racist? Spacist? I don't know, the point is aliens are people too, that's like what Star Trek is all about...that and exploring space in unitards. Different species on Star Trek have been boning for decades and as preposterous as it seems from a scientific perspective, such boning has even resulted in half-human half-alien characters like Mr. Spock.

Yeah, I did say preposterous. Look, while I'm no sciencetician, I do know how to look things up on wikipedia and one of the things that defines a species is an ability to interbreed. Alien/human hybrids are up there with unicorns on the plausibility scale, but this is Star Trek and little technobabble goes a long way.

"Congratulations! It's a scientific implausibility!" 

Anyway, Kevin Swanson is not only a theological expert but also a scientific genius so it should come as no surprise that he manages to shoe-horn the evils of evolution into his rant about Captain Kirk's penchant for xenosexuality:

Kevin's a rare exception to the
'glasses make you look smart' rule.

"...within an evolutionary construct there is no real problem with speciation and cross-species mating, there's no problem with that at all, in fact that's how you evolve, that's how you get evolution. And so the end result of course, is that evolution has no basic problem with bestiality or cross species mating. Okay?"

-Kevin Swanson, putting words together

Holy shit, let's breed centaurs!

Um...no, it's not okay. In fact, we're all stupider for having heard him say that. While many of the sounds he made are big, sciencey words, nothing he said is really a thing. You don't, and again this is my wikipedia-based research talking here, create a new species through the cross-breeding of two other species. Beavers and ducks didn't mate and come up with the platypus. I know people tune in to conservative radio shows to have their worldview reaffirmed and not to like, learn things, but holy shit, there should be a law against saying things are science when they're not. Oh and because this is a conservative radio show, listeners expect a certain number of gay jokes with their crap science so Swanson's co-host crammed this funny, funny line into their condemnation of fictional sex with fictional alien cat-women:

"Well, you know I could understand if Christians would get upset if it was a male of a different species. No actually, I'm not sure that the bestiality and the homosexuality are really all that different." 

-Dave Beuhner, confused about the homosexuality

and about the proper use of the definite article

"That's the gays for you, always having the sex with the animals..."