How 'bout that? They actually did a good job with Pacific Rim.*

*tee hee.

"Um...thanks I think...also, I put
Ron Perlman in it, so you're welcome."

Alright, look, I'm not saying that Pacific Rim is like the greatest movie ever or even that it's in the top fifty, but when a sci-fi action movie presents itself as two hours of giant robots punching giant monsters and then delivers exactly that in a summer with no other options except a Wrath of Khan knock-off and two movies about Scientologists tootling around the apocalypse, Guillermo del Toro's (Spanish for William of the bull!) robo-punch-a-thon looks pretty damn good.

Above: Ishiro Honda directing the shit out of
Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich,
and he'd never even heard of CGI.

The premise is just that simple: in the not-too-distant future alien monsters from another dimension pop up through a wormhole in the Pacific ocean and start Ishiro Honda-ing coastal cities. How? Who cares? Obviously, the only way to combat such an invaders is to build equally giant robots (ok, mecha, really) to engage them in hand-to-appendage combat. Of course the mecha are also equipped with plasma cannons and swords but the pilots never use them until after they've leveled a few city blocks with their wrestling moves first. Again, why? Because it looks more awesomer.

It's exactly the same logic that left us to wonder why Voltron pilots ever bothered with lion mode, or why the Power Rangers didn't immediately go for the Megazords and just step on the monster of the week.

"Gentlemen, I don't see any way around it,
the only way we're ever going to win this
fight is punching, lots of punching."

Does monster-punching make more sense in context? No, absolutely not. Do you care while you're watching it? Ditto. Sure, the humans could just have easily constructed giant tanks armed with plasma cannons and bombarded the creatures from a safe distance. It probably would have been cheaper, resulted in less collateral damage and would have avoided the dangerous neuro-drift technology (syence!) that most of the film's story revolves around. On the other hand, when a six-hundred foot humanoid punch machine is on the table, you don't opt for practicality...

Oh yeah, the neuro-drift thing. Apparently the only way to pilot your giant mecha is by having two pilots link their brains in order to avoid neuro-overload. If it sounds like bullshit, it's because it is, but it sets up the interpersonal drama we watch unfold between punching.

To be clear, controlling the mecha requires that two pilots cosplay as Master Chief, connect their brains to each other and then play Dance Dance Revolution while nestled in the robot's extremely vulnerable head. Why don't they simply operate them remotely from the safety of a bunker? Because shut up, that's why.

If Yancy's name wasn't a Futurama
reference, I want my $11 back.

By interpersonal drama, I mean the squishy human emotions the actors are simulating. Our hero, who I'm sure had a name...hang on, I'll look it up...ok, it's Raleigh Becket-of course it is. Anyway, he was a robot pilot along with his brother Yancy. Yancy is killed in a fight while linked to Raleigh and now Raleigh is reluctant to pilot a robot when the mustached military father figure shows up and asks him to save the world. It's just...too painful...<sniff>. Until of course he meets Mako, the hot shot rookie with a tragic past and with whom he'd totally like to make out.

Whatever. It's not like we go to these kinds of movies for plot and character development. And we're certainly not there for the acting. If you are, you should probably skip this one, although the presence of Ron Perlman helps.

Do what I did and just pretend the actors are themselves
robots piloted by even tinier, better actors. It helps.

Also, and this is key, it didn't end
with Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox
 screwing on Bumblebee's hood.
Advantage: Del Toro

So who cares if the acting's not the best, or the story's not the most original? I was just happy it wasn't another reboot or comic book movie. I mean, I usually like that sort of thing, but it's nice to walk out of a movie and not have to complain about how it didn't live up to the source material. Sure, the line between homage and blatant clone is a thin one, and Pacific Rim does borrow pretty heavily from Godzilla movies and animé like Neon Genesis Evangelion, but it was original-ish, or if it wasn't, it was entertaining enough that you won't care.