Hot merging action!

That disturbance you felt? That was millions of nerd-minds crying out in conflicted rage and excitement. Why? Because there're going to be new Star Wars movies.

In other news, I guess there was a storm or something.

Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

In a totally hot merger of synergy and diverse content portfolios, George Lucas is selling Lucasfilm to Disney for the princely sum of all the money ever. Wrap your head around that. He's selling Star Wars and all Star Wars related Star Warsiness like it's an old barbecue he doesn't use anymore. He's remaining on as a 'creative consultant,' and I'm sure there's some kind of contractual back door here somewhere but the guy who for years has been insisting that he is Star Wars and Star Wars is he is selling the thing that has held generations of virgins in its thrall.

Above: The moment in Episode I
where all joy left the world forever.

Ok, but sequels? If you recall, Lucas has been telling us for years that he'd originally written nine Star Wars movies and that the entire series fits harmoniously together in a sublime nonology so perfect that it will outshine every previous work of man and render obsolete all other stories ever told. It was our failure to embrace the prequels that forced him to hang up his plaid flannel and never ever make another Star Wars movie again as long as he lives.

It's only a matter of time until we see
the three-way with Square Enix in
the next Kingdom Hearts game. 

This was of course, bullshit, and Disney, having no intention of letting the franchise sit in the garage and recognizing that fans will pay anything, ANYTHING, to see new and decent Star Wars movies has announced that Episode 7 will be out in 2015, with 8 and 9 to follow. Goddamn. Now before you roll your eyes and predict that they will suck keep these two facts in mind: First, it would take some Omega-level stupidity to-out suck the prequels. Second, you're going to go see them anyway. No really. You might as well hand over your $11 right now.

Yeah, look at the expression on Yoda's face
and tell me there's not a metaphor here.