Why can't we have cars that go "ee-oo-ee-oo?"

Above: a typical police car--wait, oh,
my mistake. But you see what I mean?

I've long held that American police cars are too...I don't know, what's the word? Aggressive? I don't mean the people who drive them, which is an entirely different conversation (I think?), I mean the actual cars. They're usually this glossy black (sometimes black and white), and they've got the big metal pushbar things for ramming vehicles off the road, and is it me or do the headlights look angry? Like they're squinting down the barrel of a magnum ready to forget how due process works. 

Pictured: an actual police car...or
possibly a Deception. Who can say?

I know it's an incredibly dangerous job, and I suppose the logic here is to project an air of "don't fuck with us" but the police are law enforcement. Emphasis law. I'm not myself a cop, so take my unsolicited opinions for what they are, which is to say the armchair musings of someone whose only credentials are internet access. But I can't be alone in thinking that the vibe should be "protect and serve" and not, I don't know, "seek and destroy?" Right? They shouldn't look like the bad guys.

Police cars in a lot of other countries look like what they are: a public service. No battering ram, no Punisher Skull stickers. Just the kind of help you hope shows up when you're driving home from a pub, fall off your bike, and need some help fishing it out of the Amstel River. 

"Ee-oo-ee-oo-ee-oo"

-a helpful foreign police car

Kind of? But like, even more work.

Alright, now brace yourself while the uninformed opinion of someone on the internet goes from "here's what I think" to "you know what they should do?" Ready? Here goes: I guess what I'm getting at is that repairing the image of police in America, which is going to take a lot of work--like, a lot of work--but step one, as dumb as it sounds, has got to be rebranding, right? Ok, no, it actually needs to start with accountability, training, and community outreach, but step four or five: rebranding. 

Not even Star Fox 64. Original "what am
I even looking at?" Super NES graphics. 

And do you know what's not helping? Coming up to the walking embodiment of everything wrong with capitalism, and noted right-wing nutter Elon Musk and his dumb space trucks. Because that's what's happening with the introduction of Cybertruck police vehicles in Irvine, CA. Yes, the truck that looks like it's rendered in Star Fox graphics. And I guarantee you that the reason boil down to some dude in charge of requisitions thinks Cybertrucks are badass, bro. Fine, whatever. Dumb, but they've got to have police cars, I guess. But this? According to the Irvine Police Department, the choice of a Cybertruck is for "community engagement." 

Which, I don't even know what that means. But at a hundred thousand dollars of money--yup, that's how much this is costing taxpayers in Irvine--I can't help but feel like (and in fact, I did the math here) they could have had four, yes four, regular police cars. And you know, the public's trust. Instead, they bought the truck that you can't get wet.

Does it though? Does it look like it's ready for serious action?