This is Megatron all over again...

Today saw the release of a new Nintendo Direct, which are sort of like Apple's events except the press doesn't pretend it's real news, and everyone is stunned, stunned I say, by the news that Chris Pratt will be voicing Super Mario in the Super Mario Bros. movie.

Captain Lou Albano, who originated the role, could not be reached for comment.

Pictured: What happens when
you hand over creative control.

The film, still more than a year off, is the result of a collaboration between Nintendo and Illumination. Yeah, the studio who did Minions, but don't worry. After the ludicrous Robitussen trip that was 1993's Super Mario Bros. staring Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo, the video game company learned its lesson and is keeping a close eye on this adaptation to make sure it stays close to the source material and doesn't end up as another Blade Runner knock-off with dinosaur strippers.

Take it down a notch Shigeru,
he's already signed.

Super Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto announced both the release date and introduced the voice cast:

"First, of course, is Mario, who will be played by Chris Pratt. He's so cool! Mario will be talking a lot in the movie. Please look forward to Mario as performed by the very talented Chris San."

-Shigeru Miyamoto, gushing, like, 

just nerding out over Chris Pratt

Pictured: that one time Link spoke.
And no, Excuse me Princess doesn't count.

Which, I mean, I like Chris Pratt. He was fun on Parks and Recreation, and who would have thought that he'd be counted among the many leading Chris's? But "Mario will be talking a lot...?" I guess that makes sense, it'll be full length movie and yeah, I suppose the protagonist has to talk, but this is Mario. He's usually fairly mum. I mean, he's no Link, but his speech is limited to onscreen text (in the RPG's) or the occasional "Who-hooo!" or "Oh-no!" And I'm just not sure I can take a chatty Mario for two hours. And is Pratt going to be putting on a stereotypical Italian accent? The whole time? And perhaps more alarmingly, will Pratt be Mario from here on out? 

Since 1995 a guy called Charles Martinet has been the voice of Mario (and Luigi, and Wario). And he's also in the film, but according to Miyamoto, he'll be playing "surprise cameos," but not Mario. Again, I've got nothing against Chris Pratt, but "It's-a-me, Mario!" "He's we-a go!" "So-long gay Bowser!" Those are all Martinet.

Or "so long King Bowser" or possibly "so long-eh Bowser" or
whatever it is Mario says. The point is it's Martinet's voice we all hear.

Ironically, it was a bullet Hugo Weaving failed to
dodge. And uh, he was in The Matrix and-no? Ok.

But this is a business and they needed a name, and it is what it is. It's like when George Lucas CGI'd Sebastian Shaw out of Return of the Jedi and inserted Hayden Christensen in his place. Or when Frank Welker, who'd been the voice of Megatron for like twenty years, was passed over for Hugo Weaving in the live-action Transformers. Of course, in that movie Megatron was unrecognizable and the dialogue was both inaudible and dumb, so I don't know, maybe he dodged a bullet?

Anyway, this is a movie for kids, and I'm sure Chris Pratt will be fine, albeit a very different Mario. But still, I can't help but feel for Martinet who, after twenty-seven years, is basically doing "additional voices" in a movie he probably should have stared in.

Martinet may not look like a lead actor but I'd point out two things. First, this is a voice roll.
Second, did anyone really expect Andy from Parks and Rec to have the career he's had?