Happy Economic Death-Spiral Day!

With diseases we usually have an awareness month or a ribbon or something, but we don't give cancer a day, right? Like there's isn't a Let's Celebrate Cancer Day, or Antibiotic-Resistant Infection Day. So how come Prime Day is not only treated like a national holiday, but gets free news coverage?

Pictured: Not goddamn news.

"Pwa ha ha ha ha!"

-Jeff Bezos

Prime Day, a holiday or maybe an observance Amazon made up for itself, is a day--two actually--whereupon we're all supposed to shop on the online retailer's site. I'm not super-clear on how this is different from any other day, but whatever. There are discounts, which they can afford to do by not paying taxes meaning they've found a way to pass the savings and the cost on to us at the same time. Ok, they pay some taxes, but way less than they should thanks to tax credits and the incentives cities fight for the privilege of granting the company.

Incentives they get in exchange for building distribution centers in places that just desperately need to bring in new jobs to replace the ones lost to the rise of online retail (often Amazon themselves) in a sort of economic death-spiral from which there is no escape. And sure, these are low-paying, high-stress jobs with no bathroom breaks working for a company that employs blatant union-busting tactics but technically speaking, "jobs."

"Historically, when poor working conditions, low wages, and an ever-increasing
 cost of living make workers's lives unsustainable the result is strikes, unrest, and 
sometimes even violence. But I'm sure that's not going to happen this time."

-What experts say shortly before strikes, unrest 

and sometimes even violence break out

"That is an unfair characterization. Our
drivers are welcome to wear adult diapers."

-Amazon 

You're probably wondering what you can buy on Amazon, well the answer is--huh? Ok, fine. You're probably not wondering that, but I'm setting up my next point. Anyway, you can buy anything. Virtually anything, and have it delivered to you within days or in some cases hours by Amazon's own delivery trucks. Yes, the ones with the drivers who have to poop in bags. And hey, aren't there like laws against that? Not the poop bags, although yes, those too, but I mean anti-trust laws.

"Alleges" in the sense that he did it,
we saw him do it, and everyone knows it.

Back in March, a group of independent bookstore owners filed a class action lawsuit against Amazon and the five largest book publishers for their anti-competitive practices. What a bunch of whiners, right? No, not even a little. The class-action suit alleges that the online retailer puts clauses in their contracts with the publishers that ensure that Amazon can sell books for less than independents. Oh, and I say alleges in the same way that we say Donald Trump allegedly incited the insurrection.

Monopoly is no fun when one person has all
the money, and everyone just circles the board
getting poorer. This is true of real life as well.

But it's not just price-fixing. I'm going on half-remembered social studies classes from high-school--and a public high school at that--but Amazon controls like 50% of the e-commerce in the U.S. Doesn't that make them a monopoly? They're an online retailer and a delivery service and a streaming platform and they own a grocery store chain. Again, I'm not an expert and don't really know what I'm talking about, but I'm pretty sure that's not how any of this is supposed to work. Also, incidentally, I don't think that not being an expert has ever stopped anyone on the internet before.

I mean, I guess it's one thing to throw up our hands and say that retailers didn't adapt to an ever-changing marketplace. And it's true, they didn't. But it's another thing entirely to not only stand by and allow one online retailer to drive everyone in every industry out of business with anti-competitive practices and an unlimited capacity for tax avoidance and then to treat one of their sales like a goddamn holiday. 

Happy Amazon Prime Day!