They're morbidly collectible!

You know it's bad enough that we're all so addicted to Facebook that we check it forty times a day knowing full well what doing so is going to do to our already off the chart stress levels because some uncle or former coworker is going to have posted some nonsense about COVID being a hoax. But to have to endure this as well? Endure what? This:

Well? Are you enduring it? Because I'm not.

"How dare you? I will do no such thing."

-Me, talking to the computer

Yeah, it's another ad the Facebook algorithm somehow felt I'd be interested in. It's from the Bradford Exchange, the same people who sell those creepy ceramic Precious Moments figurines and that idiotic Donald Trump model train set-which Facebook also thought would be perfect for me. Although it's occurring to me now that maybe this is my fault. I mean, I see one of these ads, get outraged that Facebook showed it to me and then I blog about it, necessitating frequent internet searches for "Bradford Exchange" and "Idiotic Donald Trump model train set." 

Still feel kinda like blaiming
this guy though...

I am, as so many of us are, the very architect of my own frustration. But back to the thing: what in the name of hell are they trying to sell me now? Like the aforementioned Goon Express, you're essentially buying a subscription, but this time instead of a new plastic train car every month, you get a ceramic haunted house with lights inside. Or, as the website puts it: "Illuminated handcrafted buildings and more inspired by haunted places across America." Did I mention that each of these costs sixty dollars? Of money? Because they do.

At first I assumed that this is just more of the useless garbage companies like The Bradford Exchange have been conning hoarders into filling their homes with for years, but I was wrong. It turns out that ordering a collection by subscription plan is for smart collectors. Like, it says that right on the Bradford Exchange website and why would they lie?

See? We'd be fools not to sign up?

Always room for one more!

So, what do you get with your subscription? Well, first up is the Amityville house. You know, the house where back in 1974 a twenty-three year old called Ronald DeFeo Jr. shot six members of his family in their beds? Huh...does that make it haunted or just a crime scene? Well, doesn't matter, because now you can have the scene of that gruesome mass murder on your mantel. Or curio cabinet. Or just as likely in one of the many boxes quickly turning your home into a fire trap.

The month after that? Franklin Castle in Cleveland, Ohio. It wasn't the scene of any murders, but four people have died in the place and at least one of the previous owners lost four of their children so, yeah, who wouldn't want a constant reminder of that in their home? After that? Who knows? The Clutter's house from In Cold Blood? 10050 Cielo Drive? The possibilities are endless. And unsettling.

We're an incredibly violent country, so subscribe today!