Fly the rigidly classist skies!

Just in case the experience of air travel didn't make you feel enough like a piece of luggage grudgingly hauled around by airlines, European airplane-sorry aeroplane manufacturer Airbus is going to add modular accommodations to their plane's cargo holds.

You know, where your luggage is unceremoniously flung?

"It's about time, am I right?"

-people who don't have kids

But don't worry, this isn't an American company, so instead of being another humiliating move on the part of the industry to cram a few more skincases onto flights to sate the endless appetite of their corporate shareholders, this actually sounds kind of swanky.  The idea is that special modular rooms would be popped into the plane's hold, and they can contain things like bunk beds, lounges, meeting room or rooms for kids to run around in-which, yes, I am all for child kennels on flights.

It's been awhile since I saw Alien 3,
remind me, was there a downside?

I'm particularly interested in the idea of a lounge on a flight where you can stand up and walk around. A lot of the crippling terror I feel at the very prospect of getting on a plane based in a fear of being closed in and unable to move for hours at a stretch. And the option to lay down on a bunk and just sleep the whole traumatizing trip away also sounds pretty great. It's another step towards the ideal of climbing into a stasis tube like Ellen Ripley in Aliens and just waking up at my destination.

"Please enjoy this complimentary
champaign along with the knowledge that
the poors in economy can't have any."

Wow, neat, right? Well, yes, sort of. Like most things that sound awesome, there's a catch and like most catches this one is about money. Since regulations require that passengers be strapped into actual seats during takeoff and landing you can't just book a bunk and settle in. Instead, these modules would be something to visit mid-flight, but only if you've bought access to them. So instead of being a new feature on planes designed to make flying less of a dehumanizing ordeal, it'll be more like a VIP section.

I mean, I'd personally love to stretch out on a bed and nap my way across times zones rather than sit and contemplate the horror of hurtling through the air at thirty thousand feet, but it's 2018, and this whole thing reeks of 19th century class division and wealth disparity. Aren't we over this kind of thing?

"Nope, in fact it's gotten much, much worse. Cheers!"

-Some rich guy