Uncanny G-Men

"Lock'er up 'cause them emails..."

-pretty much

Say, remember when then FBI director James Comey oh so dutifully told Congress that the bureau was reopening the investigation into Hillary Clinton's emails two weeks before the election? And then two days before the election, he put out a statement saying: ' never mind, everything's cool' But it turns out everything wasn't cool because the damage was done and now Donald Trump, star of a Access Hollywood sexual assault blooper reel somehow pulled off an electoral win despite reason and polling and is now the President?

Sure, an unqualified buffoon that most of
us didn't vote for is running the country, but
at least this guy's conscience is clear, right? 

Remember all that? Comey said he did so because he believed that to do otherwise would be misleading to the public. Which...do you suppose he's actually met the public? Because 'public' and 'nuance' don't usually go together. We, as in the American people, are fairly headline oriented so when the director of the FBI says they're reopening an FBI investigation into a political candidate right before election day it's going to play as damning. Catastrophically so and no retraction two days out is going to fix that.

Pictured: Manafort, seen here with
a hand, possibly Russian, up his ass.

Ok, maybe Comey cost Clinton the election, maybe he didn't, I don't know. We may never know, but get this, the FBI was wiretapping Paul Manafort while he was running Donald Trump's campaign. It was part of an investigation into Manafort's connections to Russia, you know, the foreign power that totally wanted Trump to win and the one that all American intelligence agencies agreed interfered with our election? Manafort's apparently been under surveillance for years because of his companies connections with the Ukrainian Governement, but the investigation was renewed after intelligence suggested that Vladimir Putin had directly ordered his intelligence agencies to screw with our election.

Maybe the FBI should stick to what
they're good at? Like investigating
things like aliens and fluke men?

Ok so while the evidence isn't conclusive and being under suspicion isn't the same thing as being guilty of anything, is it me or is it weird that we're only hearing about this now? To be clear, the FBI spent the summer leading up to the election wiretapping the Trump's goddamn campaign manager-whom they'd long suspected of being a tool of Russian intelligence-and kept it under their hat. Meanwhile, emails from Hillary Clinton to Huma Abadin show up on her husband Anthony Weiner's computer while their investigating him for an unrelated sexting scandal, it's time to go to the press.

Look, I don't want to sound paranoid, but remember way back when Hillary Clinton referred to a vast, right-wing conspiracy and everyone laughed and called her a nut-job? Well...

"I don't want to say I told you so, but..."

-The person most of us voted for