To be clear: 100% not a fan of Kim Jong-Un

If these two didn't have nuclear weapons, this would be hilarious. Which two? And what? Settle down, I'll explain. Remember when Donald Trump, former guest star of Wrestlemania 23 and somehow now the President, went before the United Nations and referred to the cherubic man-child running North Korea as 'Rocket Man' before threatening to destroy him and his entire country? Because that happened.

Above: I'm not going to say that being President is easy, but I am going to say that
it's easy to not start World War III. Step one: don't be an idiot and start threatening
hostile, nuclear-armed countries just because you think it makes you look tough.

Well in a move that surprised exactly zero people in the world, Kim-Jong Un, aforementioned North Korean leader and man-child, has responded.

This leaps to your mind
when you hear the word
'rogue' right? It's not just me?

In his statement, Kim criticized the President's UN comments as 'unprecedented rude nonsense' and accuses him of destabilizing an already tense situation. He goes on to describe Trump himself as mentally deranged and unethical. He is, says Kim,

"...unfit to hold the prerogative of supreme command of a country, and he is surely a rogue and a gangster fond of playing with fire, rather than a politician."

-Kim Jogn Un, that lunatic 

in charge of North Korea

Maybe we've just been living with Trump's barely comprehensible Tweet gibberish, but Kim's surprisingly coherent statement sounds almost presidential and-huh?

Thousands of them. In the hands of a guy
who still holding a grudge against Rosie
O'Donnell from like ten years ago.

Oh, you know, I should probably make it clear that Kim Jong-Un is still a dangerous and capricious saber-rattling despot who's been lobbing missiles over Japan for weeks now just to show everybody how crazy he is even though he must know that any conflict with the U.S. regardless of who the President is, but particularly with someone like Trump in charge, would be disastrous for North Korea. We have thousands of nuclear weapons, he's got like two. And huh-sorry, I thought that would be comforting, but now that I've said it, it sounds like anything but.

Anyway, just to be super-clear on this point: 100% not a fan of Kim Jong-Un. Just saying that he, or his translators, can string a sentence together, a quality I miss in our leadership.

Remember when we weren't embarrassed by our President?

But back to the substance of Kim's statement which reaffirms what anyone goddamn could have told Trump: That threatening to wipe North Korea off the map is only going to piss off the goon with the nukes.

Don't be a dick, the emphasis
on the first syllable. Dotard.

"His remarks...have convinced me, rather than frightening or stopping me, that the path I chose is correct and that it is the one I have to follow to the last...I am now thinking hard about what response he could have expected when he allowed such eccentric words to trip off his tongue...I will surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged U.S. dotard with fire."

-The missile-happy tyrant our technical 

President just threatened at the U.N.

Seriously, what was he thinking? Look, as someone potentially in missile range of Kim Jong-Un's next tantrum, I just want to know, is there no one, actually no one in Trump's administration that reads the crazy shit he spouts, you know, before he spouts it?

Oh shit...right.