Circuit Jerks

No, really, are they kidding? About the assault rifle thing? Huh? Oh, this assault rifle thing. Back in 2013, Maryland passed the Firearms Safety Act which banned semi-automatic assault rifles because, seriously, when James Madison wrote the Second Amendment back in 1789, he was talking about goddamn blunderbusses and muskets and anyone who says otherwise just really likes guns.

You might as well argue that he was talking about phasers. 

Of course, King George III is just
waiting for us to let our guard down.

Ok, so an assault rifle ban, cool right? I mean this is the twenty-first century and since zombie outbreaks are not terribly high on the plausible scenario list, there's really no reason for anyone in Maryland to have a military-grade arsenal in their house, right? Not so! Said two of the three Judges on the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals. About the arsenal, not the zombie thing. We all agree that zombies are preposterous. The judges found that the FSA violates the Second Amendment's right of "law-abiding, responsible citizens to use arms in defense of hearth and home..." Shit. Seriously?

"Oh...sorry 'bout that Steve, just
defending the ol'hearth...uh...Steve?"

So while I'm sure hearth defense is like super-important, and leaving aside the fact that the Second Amendment actually says something about a well-regulated militia and not some lunatic prepper with a rec room full of claymores and machine guns, how responsible can someone possibly be when they own an assault rifle? Don't these things just sort of spray bullets? If you live in an even lightly populated area and open fire-even with the intent of defending your fireplace or whatever, there's a decent chance that a stray shot could kill a neighbor or a passer-by.

Look, I get that the Second Amendment right to hoard weapons of all descriptions in preparation for the coming Water Wars or The Rapture or whatever is important for some people and that they interpret this right to mean they can have any kind of weapon they want in any quantity, but holy shit, I think we're allowed to draw a line.

"What? I'm a responsible ICBM owner and the Constitution
doesn't say I can't have a missile complex in my backyard..."

-Some Idiot