Pat Robertson: Reproductive Biologist

Holy shit does this man
love to talk about gay sex.

In a weird way, you kind of have to admire the almost super-human way Pat Robertson can take any ridiculous question his followers throw at him and make it about the gay sex. Take for example Crystal, a woman who wrote in to his show asking him for advice. She's frustrated, as in sexually frustrated, because the church she attends won't let its members date and her biological clock is ticking. Here's how he starts off:

"You know, those who are homosexual will die out because they don't reproduce, you know you have to have heterosexual sex to reproduce."

-Pat Robertson,

clearing a few things up

Above: Great herds of homosexuals once roamed the plains of North America,
but are today, due to their inability to reproduce, rarely seen outside of parade routes.

"You're a poofster, Harry."

-Hagrid in Harry Potter and 

the Douchey Televangelist

Wai-wah? What does this woman's impending spinsterism have to do with gay people? Nothing. But that didn't stop Robertson from taking the opportunity to throw an elbow at gays, lesbians and the many straight people who, for whatever reason, either don't choose to or can't have children. What a dick. Also, doesn't he realize that that's not how human sexual orientation works? Like, gay people don't necessarily come from a long line of gay people. It's not like wizards.

Robertson does go on to suggest that this woman should run screaming from her creepy, sexless, religious cult, which is a startlingly reasonable suggestion coming from a man whose usual advice to women is to just shut up.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I still think Crystal should shut up,
but she should do so at a church that holds mixers."

-Pat Robertson,

sounding more like himself