So did anybody actually vote for this kid?

Tremble Britons, for your future lord and master is come!

Above: The scene outside St. Mary's Hospital in London
earlier today. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge posed for
a few pictures before killing and devouring several subjects.

Pictured: The money shot.

Yup, Kate 'The Duchess' Middleton has finally dropped a Dukelet (what?) like it's her job, which, incidentally, it kind of is. Well, that and the waving. Unlike previous monarchs, the future Kings and Queens of England are unlikely to be required to face down a Spanish Armada or judge an archery contest, so really posing for the money and ensuring the royal line of succession (through lots and lots of boning) are the closest things they have to responsibility.

"Way to go kid! Here, have a
country, you've earned it."

This has left some people wondering why, in the 21st century, anyone bothers with the monarchy at all anymore? I suppose it's a valid point, in many ways it's downright undemocratic. This yet-to-be-named heir apparent is very likely to be King of England someday (assuming the hologram of Elizabeth II ever gets around to abdicating) and all he had to do was be born; something that literally every human being who has ever lived has managed to do.

Screw the electoral college,
we might as well use a sorting hat.

Yeah, that's right, nobody voted for him, nobody made him pull a sword out of anything, he just had the good fortune to enter this world through the right vagina. I mean, that's bullshit right? Here in America, we had the common sense to do away with the king and institute a fair and democratic system whereby we vote for electors who will (although they are not legally bound do do so) cast their votes for one of two candidates pre-selected by one of the two dominant political part...you know, monarchy's looking pretty sweet...

Anyway, it turns out that while some have suggested booting the royals in favor of a republic (citing the expense and the fact that they're a relic of the middle ages), something like 80% of Britons prefer the tyrannical rule of the Dread Queen Elizabeth. In fact, this guy makes the point that Royal Family actually makes money (£160 million) for the U.K, so a Bastille Day for England doesn't seem very likely. Although if it ever did happen, I suspect it would be exceedingly polite.

"Terribly sorry, going to have to cut your head off. Revolution you know."
"Oh, it's no trouble at all, I quite understand."