 |
Like these guys are big fans of comi-
Wait a minute, is that Greg Proops!?* |
In a move that has
already provoked the ire of racists who don't give a shit about comic books until
Fox News tells them to get angry about something, Marvel has revealed that the new Ultimate Spider-Man is biracial
<gasp!>. They're upset because, well, I actually don't know why they're upset but click on the first link for some hilarious 'white-guys with persecution complexes' action. I think you'll find that these dudes have awfully passionate opinions about men in spandex.
 |
Here, Spider-Man battles the Lizard.
His super-power is being a lizard. |
New Ultimate-what now? Oh yes, this is Marvel we're talking about so it's going to be a little more complicated than '
hey, there's a new Spider-Man.' For people who don't waste their lives contemplating the mysteries of the Marvel Multiverse, allow me to explain. The Spider-Man most people are familiar with is rubber-science (and alliteration) victim
Peter Parker. Parker uses his stick-to-walls powers and a revolutionary (and curiously un-patented)
breakthrough in polymers to fight both regular crime and animal themed super-crime. This Spider-Man is native to
Earth 616, which is where most Marvel Comics are set. Still with me?
 |
Above: Jackson doing more in one
frame than in 3 Star Wars prequels. |
The Ultimate Universe or
Earth 1610, is an alternate reality reboot invented back in 2000 as a way to sell more comic books without coming up with new ideas. It's usually somewhat more edgy than Earth 616 and some of the stories are actually pretty good. Classic characters can die (and
not be revived a couple years later),
Colossus is gay and Nick Fury
was played by Samuel L. Jackson before Samuel L. Jackson played Nick Fury. Think Star Trek's
2009 alt-boot sans lens flare.
The Ultimate Universe is the most fleshed out of the dozens of 'what-if' realities in the Multiverse. In addition to the Earth 1610, there's there's also a
Pilgrim Universe (Earth 311) and a
Noir Universe (Earth 90214) among others.
 |
NYC: You're more likely to get super-powers
from a spider bite than find a parking space. |
Anyway, (spoiler) Ultimate Spider-Man is (or was) also named Peter Parker, but he was killed off earlier this summer. Hence the need for a new Ultimate Spider-Man. Enter
Miles Morales (Marvel loves their alliteration). With the new character Marvel's editors are making a
conscious choice to diversify their roster of super-heroes, and that's cool. Sure, killing off and 'recasting' alterna-Spidey is not quite as bold a move as say shaking up the Earth 616 status quo with a black Captain America or putting
Donald Glover in
The Amazing Spider-Man reboot, but still.
 |
Japan lives by the motto:
Everything's better with robots. |
So much to the chagrin of racists everywhere, Spider-Man can be whomever the writers want him to be. In fact he's already been
a clone,
a girl and in Dark Avengers,
Venom. One miniseries re-imagines him as
Pavitr Prabhakar, an awkward teen from India. In
Japan he's Takama Yokashiro, a motocross rider who gets his Spider-powers from a magic alien bracelet and pilots
a giant robot named Leopardon. Spider-Man even exists as
an ill-conceived broadway musical for reasons beyond understanding. The point is that the Multiverse is big enough for everyone. Except Bono. Like seriously, screw that.
 |
| No. |
*
No, no it's not Greg Proops. But seriously, doesn't it kind of look like him?
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