Also, Rick Perry thinks we're idiots.

Tastes like strawberries,
and sanctimoniousness.

Rick Perry announced that he'd be running for not only for President of the United States, but also for President of Jesus. Is that even a thing? Am I being unfair? I don't know, maybe, but he did hold that prayer rally attended by 30,000 Evangelical Christians and then insisted that it was in no way political and not designed to remind voters that he's like, a super-Christian and will finally stick up for the, uh, over dog. How is this ok? Does he lack the gene that allows a person to smell their own bullshit? Am I just being cynical? The man makes a Church and State smoothie every time someone gives him a mic but it's cool because he's all about American Values. You know, like succession.

"Combining religion and politics to further my career? Moi?" 
                                                                            -Governor Rick Perry

The Netherlands:
It's Dutch for California

Yeah, remember when he suggested that Texas could succeed from the Union because uh, you know, people don't like paying taxes? What the shit was that? I mean could you imagine the reaction if California Governor Jerry Brown were to say that his state should break off and form some kind of utopia of universal healthcare and decriminalized pot (see right)? So how come Rick Perry gets to launch into the kind of crazy rants that would end the career of any progressive in office faster than you can say Jocelyn Elders, but still come out smelling like baseball and apple pie?

Being an American is awesome until you have to help pay for
schools and roads. Then, it's time to get out yer guns.