Paging Doctor Jesus, Doctor Jesus...

No it isn't and no he didn't. Mistake that weird AI picture of him as Jesus, as one of him as a doctor...which he also isn't. Who and what am I talking about? 

Why, this nonsense, of course.

He should really be nicer to nurses,
you know, given his...condition? 

Great question. Yes, that's the President as Jesus, healing an ailing man while a notably un-diverse selection of Americans including a nurse, a service member, a veteran, and a lady (all groups he's famously popular with) gaze up at his majestic glory and full, butterscotch coiffure that's definitely not thinning. A flag waves in the background. The Statue of Liberty shines her torch. Bald eagles, and jet fighters fill the sky. It's like the AI assimilated The Franklin Mint, some Bill O'Reilly novels, and Thomas Kincaid, and then threw this up.

There's even a host of angelic figures smiling down upon theproceedings. Well, a couple angles and what I'm pretty sure is a Gundam. No, really.

See? And I mean, why not a Gundam? They're mentioned
in the Bible as often as The Rapture and abortion.

"My hands don't do that, but then I 
didn't narrowly win the election, so..."

-an actual doctor

So after a much deserved round of internet-based mockery, the White House has deleted the post and the President now claims that he mistook his portrayal in that slimming white and red robe, with divine healing light pouring from his hands, as an image of him as a doctor, and not Jesus. Now very few doctors, in my experience anyway, employ medicinal rays of Jesus light (I'm on Kaiser's Bronze plan), but it's also weird because he's not a doctor. Sure, he aced all those cognitive tests they defiantly give to healthy people every couple of months for no reason in particular, but still, not a doctor.

Pictured: what we all picture
when we hear the term Anti-Pope.

Anyway, not content with offending Evangelicals with his AI s Jesus, and insulting all of us by insisting he thought it was a doctor, he's also fighting with the Pope. Apparently back in January, some Defense Department rando dragged a Vatican rep. into a meeting where they threatened him and threw the fourteenth century Avignon Papacies up in his face...for some reason? According to Wikipedia, some Popes were based in Avignon rather than Rome. Some of these were Anti-Popes which, despite the metal term, is just a Pope not considered legit by the Church.

Leo XIV is ten years younger, has
the Swiss Guard, and is from south 
Chicago. I know who my money's on.

Was he suggesting that the U.S. was going to set up its own, competing Papacy? Or that they planned to kidnap Leo XIV and hold him until he agreed that the Iran War is legitimate and that Trump is handsome? I don't know, these unreasonable people doing unreasonable things, like picking a fight with the Vicar of Christ. The Pope, whose whole job, however one might feel about organized religion in general, and the Catholic Church in particular, is to advocate peace. So it's neither unreasonable nor out of character to denounce war. Particularly a war of choice.

So when Leo XIV, you know, advocates peace, the President, who started a whole war to distract from his whole sex trafficking conspiracy, got butt hurt, and called him soft on crime. Yes, actual quote. He called the Pope soft on crime. Like he's running against him for city council. Why nobody 25th Amendment'ed him the minute he started tweeting pictures of himself as Doctor Jesus H. Christ, MD, will forever be a mystery.

Those Romans, now they were tough on crime, amiright?