The Vanilla Ice of politics

Jill and the family? Even the family
members he hounded over shady business
deals, without evidence or a whiff of irony?

Literally no one in the world believes that the President actually wrote the tweet he posted on his made up social media platform, right? "Melania and I are saddened to hear about Joe Biden's recent medical diagnosis. We extend our warmest and best wishes to Jill and the family, and we wish Joe a fast and successful recovery." First, no caps. Second, he doesn't call him sleepy Joe (or President for that matter). Third, he absolutely doesn't wish them warm anything. 

They say it's the thought that counts here, and I'm sure whichever of his handlers drew the short straw and was forced to ask Chat GPT to mimic human compassion on behalf of a leathery bag of grievances, thought that this perfunctory gesture would count for something. What that could be, we may never know. 

"Write a heartfelt tweet from President Trump to President Biden, expressing
heartfelt wishes for a speedy reco--wait, Chat GPT...are you laughing at me?"

-Someone at the Whitehouse, 

earning their paycheck

This, but filled with grievances.

Anyway, it was like a day before Grievance Bag Actual started dog whistling some conspiracy theories into existence, suggesting that the former President had been diagnosed some time ago and hid his diagnosis. His evidence for this very serious claim? Right next to Obama's Kenyan birth certificate and Hillary Clinton's illegal ballots she so cleverly used to not win the 2016 election. Doesn't matter, it's not like he wrote the thing about, or expressed warm wishes for President Biden's recovery. 

Or how we say Cybertruck for hideous,
stainless-steel, fascist wagon whose
owners we freely, and publicly shame.

So why even bother to pretend to write a tweet? And yes, I know tweets aren't called tweets anymore, but I feel that in abandoning the word with the brand, X has opened it up to genericization. Like saying q-tip for a cotton swab, it's just moved into the common parlance stripped of any specific, or commercial meaning. And besides, I'll be cold in the grave before I refer to the noise on the ironically named Truth Social as Truths. But, that brings us back to my question: why the tweet? 

I suppose it's so we're talking about him. When the Pope died, we had to do a whole thing about his dumb AI-generated image of him as the new Pope, and then when we got a new Pope, we had to hear about him again. It's relentless. He's relentless. 

The consensus seems to be that Pope Leo XIV was selected as a repudiation
of Trumpism. The Church is so sick of our President, they chose a Pope about it.

I hear he knows those computers better
than anybody, all those computers,
those vote counting computers.

After we voted him out--and he was subsequently convicted of a felony, which you'd think would be disqualifying but isn't--we thought we'd never have to hear about him again. And then the unthinkable, the unfathomable happened. People, presumably those suffering from some kind of brain injury that deleted the years 2017-2020 from their memory, voted for him. I mean, not everybody, less than half of us, but enough. That or Elon Musk rigged some voting machines, which, honestly would restore my faith in my fellow Americans. Either way, here we are. 

The former President is facing a serious health crisis, but for some reason we're talking about the former host of The Apprentice's dumb tweet, and not his defiance of court orders, catastrophic Big Beautiful Bill, or his Kim Jong Un-style birthday military parade. 

There was a time when couldn't get Vanilla Ice to go way. He was everywhere.
Then, we all stopped paying attention to him, and he just disappeared. It was great.