Wokerati!

I suppose, in a way, it's comforting to know that the U.S. isn't the only country dealing with fragile conservatives shrieking about how woke is ruining everything. Of course, the U.K. isn't stuck with a deranged autocrat fiddling while the economy and our global standing burns, but still, it's nice to know it's not just us.

I'm sorry, comparing the President to Nero fiddling while Rome burned
is disrespectful and I'm better than this. There were no fiddles in Ancient
Rome, he probably would have had a lyre or something. I apologize.

I mean, how did these people ever
conquer three quarters of the world?

I'm referring to this story about the U.K.'s Conservative Party flipping their wigs...do they still wear wigs? Well, there's no way to know, so let's say, yes? So they're flipping their wigs because the current Prime Minister, and leader of the Labour Party, Keir Starmer, has had a number of paintings taken down at No. 10 Downing Street and replaced them with different paintings. Like a monster. Apparently the Conservatives had to learn this via a freedom on information request, presumably because Starmer wouldn't invite them over for tea. 

Anyone know how to get bronzer
out of centuries-old parchment?

Yes, apparently PM's, like our presidents, get to decorate their own place. You might recall that President Trump recently demanded the original Declaration of Independence be moved to the Oval Office over the objection of the National Archives and like, everyone? Don't worry, they eventually convinced him to take one of the copies. It's a thing world leaders are allowed to do, and Starmer has taken the opportunity to redecorate. It's how he's chosen to redecorate. Gone are paintings of Elizabeth I, Sir Walter Raleigh, several of Winston Churchill, and one of Margaret Thatcher. In their places are piecesfrom a wide variety of artists, including some from outside Britain. 

Sort of like how we call MAGA
people fascists. It's a synonym.

And to be clear, they're not gone like he chucked them in a dumpster and lit them on fire. Starmer's a big supporter of the arts, the works are just in storage. What's making the Torries lose their shit, is that Starmer took down paintings of famous dead white Brittons and put up paintings of and by people who better represent the diversity of country. It's not like--huh? Torries? Sorry, it's another name for the British Conservatives. 

Pictured: J.D. Vance's beard hole, seen
here probably mocking a war hero's
clothes, or calling people peasants.

Speaking of MAGA's, replace "this Labour Government" with "Democrat Party" and this quote from a Conservative MP practically sounds like it tumbled out of J.D. Vance's beard hole:

"It speaks volumes about the Labour Government that they have purged Downing Street of some of the greatest figures in British history...The wokerati now run Britain and want to tear down our past."

-Alex Burghart, MP, and fragile man baby

In our country we're going to forget
who they were because the President
is gutting the Education Department.

So, couple of things. First, some of those greatest figures mentioned above helped invent the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Another fought a whole ass war over the Falklands. But that aside, it's not like everyone's going to forget who Elizabeth I or Shakespeare (also taken down) were because paintings of them aren't on the wall in the British Prime Minister's office. But people might hear about Ghanaian British artist Lynette Yiadom-Boakye because Alex Burghart threw a nutty about her work hanging in Downing Street. So, thanks Alex!

And secondly, as an American, I'd like to apologize to the British people on behalf of our previously reasonable nation for introducing your right-wing nutters to the word "woke." Go on, ask them what it means and watch them squirm. Oh, and good lord, I would pay money, like, pounds sterling, to hear this guy pronounce "wokerati." 

I'm guessing it sounds something like: "wohk-uh-rat-ee?"