No One's Gonna Guess Evangelization

Have they thought about, oh, I don't know, not being shitty to queer people? Or admitting that the whole "women can't be priests thing" is a bit, you know, medieval? 

"Women? Priests? Whoa, whoa, whoa, it'll never work. Why? Uh...
They'd have to um...uh...well, there's the whole uh--hey! Look over there!"

-Three priests, shortly before running out

the door, into a car, and speeding away

It's not, as I initially assumed,
a reference to the X-Men character.

Who? And what am I on about? Great questions, and instead of answering that, I'm going to turn the tables and ask you a question: what is the absolute last move you thought the Catholic Church would pull? Bearing in mind of course that it's a nineteen-hundred year old organization was basically the unchallenged ruler of Europe from the fourth through sixteenth centuries? Because if you said introduce a an anime mascot for the 2025 Jubilee, a celebration that rolls around every twenty-five years (when you're founded in 33 AD, that's often), you would be correct. 

Huh? Yes, an anime mascot. A little girl with unsettlingly large eyes, a yellow raincoat--for some reason--green boots and a pilgrim's staff.

"Ta-da!"

-Archbishop Rino Fisichella, aged 73,

 wondering what he's doing with his life

How...uh, marketable.

But don't worry, Luce--whose name is Italian for light--won't be spreading the good word alone, she's got a whole gang of "& Friends." Three more be-rainslickered pals, who are basically just Luce in different colored coats, a winged cherub in a baseball cap, a dove, and a dog because awwww. The characters are designed by Simone Legno, whose American company (although Legno himself is Italian), Tokidoki specializes in "lifestyle brands" that are inspired by--imitative of--Japanese pop-culture. 

Move over Christ on the Cross,
Luce has youth appeal!

I went to their website, and it's all very, I don't know, Claire's? As in that store at the mall? Tokidoki has previously partnered with other companies--because creativity is dead and the best we can hope for is brand synergy--in what they--and not I--call collabs. Basically they produce merchandise like t-shirts and mugs with cute, manga-ish versions of whatever company they're collab-ing with: Marvel, Overwatch, Major League Baseball, and now the folks who brought you the crusades. If that all sounds a little--a lot--weird, don't worry, that's just because it sounds a little--a lot--weird. But then, I guess I'm not the target audience: Gen Alpha. After all, kids love the anime, and pondering existential questions about the nature of God? It's a match made...uh, somewhere, I guess.

Will it work? I guess that depends on what we mean by "work." Is it suddenly going to make everyone forget the scandals, financial malfeasance, and unwillingness to join the twenty-first century when it comes to women, LGBTQIA+ people, and bodily autonomy? I'm going to say probably not. Is it friendlier than some of the organization's previous recruitment efforts? Yes.

Pictured: a thirteenth century crusader, seen here about
to beat the love of God into an infidel with a mace.