Today in unsolicited advice:

Sorry, I'm being ridiculous. This is America,
they've almost certainly got a gun.

Hey, do you want my advice? Whatever you do, don't--huh? What do you mean, no? I mean, of course you don't want my advice. Who wants unsolicited advice about a mystery topic from a blog? Do people even do blogs anymore? But my point is you should at least feign interest. For all you know, my advice could be "watch out behind you, he's got a knife." It's not, he doesn't, and settle down, I can't actually see you, but you didn't know that. Although I suppose there is a non-zero posability of someone with a knife behind you right now, so maybe check?

Anyway, my advice? Don't get COVID. I managed to so far into this nonsense without getting it and it finally looked like maybe it was on i's way out, or at least turning into something like a cold or the flu. But then, smack. Saturday morning. The ol' pink stripe. 

Three years of avoiding social interaction for nothing.
Now I'm going to need a whole new excuse.

Then I remembered that that's not really
a thing and people who think they are immune
are kind of dumb. And possibly dead now.

Now, I know what you're thinking: grout kitchen countertops? Those are the worst. And you'd be correct. But secondarily, what made me think I was so special? Exceptionalism, I guess? I am an American. But mostly I thought that if I went above and beyond the CDC recommendations, I could avoid it. I mean, I don't work in a particularly high risk environment, I masked longer than almost everyone else, and I went in for every shot and booster shot they'd give me. I was even beginning to think I was just naturally immune or something.

But here we are, or rather, here I am: day four on the couch, and rapidly running out of YouTube and patience for YouTube. I'm not complaining mind you, far too many people had it way worse that I do. Boredom is hardly the worst part of being sick, but goddamn, there are only so many times I can skip that State Farm flower shop ad. 

YouTube uses a kind of extortion business model:
pay us and we'll stop making you watch ads.

*Incidentally, while finding the shot above, I somehow managed to capture a moment where the flower shop owner is making the same face I make whenever this ad comes on:

"Say businesses is blooming one more time..."