America's Most Punchable Face

I am 100% not advocating violence. Not on the House floor and not even towards the worst people who work there. Nor am I suggesting that Alabama Representative Mike Rodgers is anything but a homophobic, anti-choice, racist shit heel. The guy even wants us to withdraw from the U.N. He's a loon. That said, I kind of know how he feels:

That's Representative Richard Hudson holding Mike Rodgers
back from clocking Florida Republican Matt Gaetz.

It's getting harder to keep track of
them all, just look for the rabid foam.

And look, again, I'm not defending Rodgers. At all. But in his defense--yes, I know what I just said--but in his defense, Matt Gaetz of Florida, one of the more barking mad lunatics the party has to offer, had just for the fourteenth time voted against Kevin McCarthy for Speaker of the House. Which, I mean, that is his right and whatever, that's how democracy works, but Gaetz was only doing this in order to extort committee seats and who knows what else. Also, he sucks. He's just one of the worst.

And also also, is it me of does Matt Gaetz have America's most punchable faces?

I mean, look at him. Punchable, right?

The House of Representatives really
could have used an Olenna Tyroll this week

Like, you know I'm not a terribly religious person, and I realize that what I'm about to suggest is possibly pretty offensive to those who are, but if Jesus Christ himself were to return in our lifetimes just so he could punch Matt Gaetz in the face, I'd believe it. And to be clear, lots of people have a punchable face but are decent human beings. Take Jack Gleeson from Game of Thrones. Punchable face, but you never would because he's probably a perfectly pleasant in real life.

Above: the law and order party, seen
here not experiencing consequences.

And besides, what kind of jerk goes around punch people? Again, I'm not advocating punching anyone. Although one might reasonably ask what kind of people interpret a narrow majority achieved only through naked gerrymandering as some kind of mandate from the people to investigate their political enemies, to pass transphobic and racist legislation, and to do their level best to obstruct the agenda of a President most of us voted against. Oh, and by the way, shouldn't some of these Representatives be in jail what with the whole insurrection thing?

Where was I? Right. The take away here is don't go punching people. Not even Matt Gaetz, even though he has both the punchable face and punchable personality/worldview that would make punching so richly satisfying. In fact, I propose we begin a tradition in the mode of Britain's Guy Fawkes Day where we all make effigies of Matt Gaetz and punch them in the face every January 6th.

No, I'm serious, let's make this a thing.