King for a day!

Being British must be hard on the knees.

The King of England. King. Huh, feels weird. But luckily for me it doesn't come up in conversation that much what with me being an American. We have it relatively easy. Like, I don't have to remember to switch the pronouns when I sing God Save the King/Queen at, I don't know, cricket matches? Do they do that? I'm not going to have to trade in all my Queen Elizabeth II money--which I presume is now totally worthless--for Charles III fun bucks. And at no point will I be at a Tesco, bump into the reigning monarch and have to remember whether I'm supposed to bow or curtsy. This doesn't affect my life at all and yet here I am talking about it.

Print media: yesterday's news, tomorrow!

What do you mean "It what?" The death of Queen Elizabeth II and the en-kingulation of Charles III, that's what? How did you not...oh...oh, do you read newspapers? No offense, but I mean, it's 2022 so maybe it's time to...look, I'm not here to analogue shame. The important thing is that after seventy years, fifteen Prime Ministers, thirteen Presidents, thirteen Doctors Who, thirty corgis and a Brexit, the only Queen pretty much anyone under 100 remembers is dead. Long live the King. Yes, Charles. Yes the one everyone wanted to skip.

Which is not how that works and no, I have no idea why I find this so interesting. I am, as I mention to everyone who will listen, a quarter Canadian so I suppose I'm one quarter affected by the change in figurehead, which I guess is weird because it seems like I'm 100% more interested in the monarchy than any actual Canadian I've ever met has been. But then maybe the fact that I don't have to bend the knee or whatever subjects do makes it ok for me to find this fascinating. It's all theoretical. 

For most Americans Elizabeth II, Queen of Canada was just a pallet
swap of the Queen of England. Like Scorpion and Sub-Zero. But
to millions of people around the world, she was much, much more.

"Stop the count, I'm the next King of England.
Everyone knows it, the succession is rigged."

-Some idiot

As an American I don't really have any context for what the death of a monarch means. It's not the same as a President. A President is just some rando and they become President because A: They were elected. B: They were the Vice President when the President dies. C: they're a narcissistic gameshow host who convinced enough dumbs in electorally more valuable states that they're victims and electoral college won the office. But the Queen, and now the King, are monarchs because God says so.

Ok, metaphorically anyway. They're actually monarchs because they happen to be born to someone who was born to someone who blah blah blah Norman Conquest. 

Pictured: the Blah Blah Tapestry.

I think that's true. It's hard to say, my
understanding of US history is based
mostly on Hamilton and Liberty's Kids.

Is it ridiculous and medieval? Absolutely. Do I think it's kind of awesome from my privileged position as someone who's never lived under a divinely appointed monarch? Sure. Again, in theory. But then we Americans have never been under the heel of one. Well, ok, George III but then all he did to us was stamp tax our paper products and sing the occasional musical number. People in say India, South Africa, and China probably have a very different and far dimmer view of the monarchy as a thing.

Uncle Sam and Elizabeth II had more in
common then just patriotism and bulging
biceps, they were also both fond of hats.

I mean, there's a reason everyone in the Galactic Empire has a British accent. But this is the future and the British Crown has no real, practical political power. They're instead just figureheads. I'm not a political scientist, but to give an analogy I have no business making, it would be like if Uncle Sam was an actual person and also the living embodiment of The Constitution. So if you want someone to blame for Britain's historical misdeeds you need look no further than the elected officials, so they're a lot like us in that regard.

But back to the King of England--still weird--and his first day on the job. A job which will mostly consist of trying to keep the British people from opting for a republic. And to them I have two pieces of advice. Unsolicited, meaningless advice from someone with no stake in this whatsoever. First: remember the last time you tried a republic. Second, remember that the U.S. is a republic. I'm not saying don't, I'm just saying think before you do anything.

Also, the King just gave a lovely, heartfelt speech in which he pledged his life to
serving the British people. With a republic, you occasionally get washed up TV
 stars who can't form complete sentences and who steal your nuclear secrets.