What if that, but more of that?

No. Just no. Look, I won't pretend to understand the technology behind phone cameras and I'm not like against innovation or anything, but no to this:

Trypophobia: noun, an irrational or disproportionate feeling of
discomfort or revulsion at the sight of clustered holes or bumps.*

I lived through the console wars of the early
90's. You don't know the things I've seen...

That lovecraftian horror show is a new Galaxy phone. and to be clear, this isn't some weird brand loyalty thing on my part. I'm not an Apple fan. I've stuck with iPhones because they're familiar and I don't want to have to learn a new thing, not because I think they're great. I'm a prisoner of my own laziness. So just know that I'm not picking on Samsung for not being Apple. That said, what even is all this? We have two eyes. Two. What possible benefit within the range of human vision can five lenses offer? Well, six if you count the forward facing "selfie" lens (but let's not).

"Uh-oh. Better switch to ultra-wide."

-almost certainly no one, ever

According to the website each one serves a different function...kinda. Two of them are wide angle (wide and ultra-wide) which is laudable given that the only correct way to take pictures or video is to hold the phone sideways and use landscape mode. Portrait mode is trash. But why two different wide-nesses? And equally confusing are the two zoom lenses. One is 3x and the other 10x...but doesn't the 10x encompass 3x as well? Why have both? And what's the fifth lease for? They won't say. Maybe it's just a light sensor. Maybe it sees your thoughts. 

Although in fairness, Bing is no
dumber a word than Google, so really
it's just about who got there first.

The site also touts the phone's new "Nightography" which, because I get words, I understand to be night photography. But nightography is not, nor will it ever be a word. Nobody's going to start taking "nightographs." "Nightographer" will never be a profession. It's some nonsense marketing chimera that only exists because Samsung can't trademark the words "night" or "photography." It's like how Microsoft keeps trying to make Bing a verb. It's simply not going to happen. But that doesn't mean they're not going to try and bribe people with Gamepass.

But what do I know? Maybe "nightography" absolutely requires five slightly different cameras app pointing at the same thing to work. Cool. But I also can't help but think that it's just an arms race. Like, someone at Samsung looked at the three camera lenses on the iPhone 13 and said: "That gives me an idea..." That idea, of course, is what if that, but more of that?

"What if that, but more of that?"

-someone at Gillette at some point,

probably got a promotion too...

 

*do no, I repeat: do not do an image search for trypophobia. Trust me.