I suppose low standards are still standards...

Pictured: Me, upon realizing that
GTA III was twenty yeas ago.

Ok, confession time: despite all my recent talk about how I find violence in video games and movies gross, I've actually really been a GTA fan for like twenty years which--huh? Yeah, Grand Theft Auto III came out twenty goddamn years ago. So, obviously I'm a big huge hypocrite. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't fun from time to time to put in a bunch of cheat codes and go on a rampage with a jet pack and a missile launcher, but for the most part, I'm there for the parody and the open-world stuff.

Obnoxious, egotistical behavior stemming
from the assumption they can do no wrong?
Why, they sully the very name Rockstar...

Anyway, I mention all this because I was kind of looking forward to the remastered versions of these 3-D murder simulators. Again, for the biting commentary. But then it came out and it became clear that the games were riddled with bugs and weird, terrible design choices and were based on the shitty mobile versions instead of being remasters of the better console versions. Because business. Then, an another tone-deaf move, Rockstar, the publisher, then further pissed off fans by removing the non-busted original versions from e-shops and basically just made everything worse. 

Sure, they've since issued a statement apologizing for how terrible the--sorry, apologizing to anyone who encountered issues playing these games, which is, evidently anyone who tried playing these games. And lamented that they "did not launch in a state that meets our own standards of quality, or the standards our fans have come to expect." Far from the worst corporate apology, like, they actually used the word "apology" even if there was a bit of the usual passive voice. The games "didn't launch in a state" rather than "we launched them in a state that...etc." It just sort of of happened. Somehow. 

"We don't know what to tell you, we were just sitting around when suddenly
our game just released. I think...I think it might have become sentient."

-Rockstar, on how this is probably Skynet's fault

Above: Internet trolls seen here discussing
the best way to cook and eat game
developers who have disappointed them.

Rockstar did promise updates to fix the problems and that they'd re-list the non-remastered versions in the meantime. That's cool. But looking at the video compilations of the glitches, and my own limited time with San Andreas--it's the one on Game Pass. What? I'm not paying for the full version--anyway, one has to wonder exactly what Rockstars standards of quality are that these could release so broken. Like, did anyone at the company try them first? Unfortunately a botched job like this one combined with the consequence-free anonymity of the internet makes for an even shittier situation: that of disproportionate online backlash. 

The company, in the same statement as the passive voice apology also mentioned that members of the development team have been getting harassed and they ask that people, you know, cut that shit out. That's never ok, no matter how bungled this whole thing was. I mean, it's not like anyone was harmed by a buggy release. No one died here. Just...just what is wrong with people?

They probably played too many violent video games...