Today in things that definitely won't backfire:

Santa Cruz County--which is where I live--has moved from orange to yellow on Wednesday. And to celebrate, the county has decided to lift the mask mandate, so now we no longer have to wear masks indoors in a lot of circumstances regardless of vaccination status. So basically it's mid June again, remember mid-June?

Here, check out this graph. Mid-June is that crater right before
the huge spike that happened when everyone let their guard down.

Huh? Ghost Rider. Wait,
what did you think I meant?

I mean, I don't know, would it have killed us to wait, I don't know, a week? Maybe two? Santa Cruz is one of six counties in the Bay Area to dip into yellow territory, but we're the only ones to rip the masks off and start breathing all over each other and I can't help but wonder what the rush is? Like, we've been at this for a year and a half. It's like 9/11. Hang on, I'm going somewhere with this. Remember 9/11? Ok, of course you do, but remember the decade following 9/11 where if you forgot 9/11 for even a second, there was a bumper sticker or a Nicholas Cage movie to remind you about 9/11. I'm sorry for bringing up such a difficult subject, but I'm approaching a point. After 9/11 a ton of precautions went into place, some of them reasonable, and some of them a bizarre TSA security line pantomime where we all take our shoes and belts off because it made us feel safe or something.

If ending the pandemic involved starting
a war with some country most of us can't
 find on a map, it'd be over by now.

And here we are, twenty years and two completely unrelated wars on, fully aware that a lot of these measure are just a waste of time, but we're still going through the motions. Meanwhile, COVID-19 has killed six hundred thousand of us and all we have to do is get vaccinated and wear a mask, but instead, nineteen months or whatever in and we're still fighting with asshats who hold up some story about their friend of a friend's cousin's dry cleaner who heard that the vaccine has a microchip in it as proof positive of how fake science is. 

Look, I don't know, maybe this is it (it's not) or maybe this is just another dip in an unending roller coaster of pandemic and we'll be back to masks indoors by next Tuesday (we will). But the point is could we please wait until the ride has come to a complete stop before forcing the safety harness off and climbing out like a bunch of dumbs?

"Wake up sheeple! Safety harnesses are just government tyranny."

-Some dumb about to ride a metaphor