Paging Dr. Wertham...

I really, really don't want to give DC too much credit here. I mean, it takes so little to draw the performative ire of conservatives eager to out homophobic quip one another in their tired quest to appeal to dumbs. And in this case so little was the reveal that Superman is bi. Except he's not, or at least not the Superman you're thinking of, but first the shitty comments from people who suddenly give a damn about comics. 

"The Super-Man? A bisexualist? I am outraged. Outraged! 
What's next a Lesbian Little Orphan Annie?"

-Conservatives, suddenly

Sexualizing comic book characters?
Has uh...has he read a comic book?

Were not going to go through them all, because there's a million of them and I have to go to work soon and really, my level of effort here should be consistent with theirs, which is to say, minimal. But take Raymond Arroyo from Fox News who went on Laura Ingram's show to wax nostalgic about how as a kid he loved superheroes and how straight they all were, and can you believe that they're sexualizing comic book characters now? For shame! Someone call doctor Frederick Wertham. Is he still alive?

Who said conservatives aren't funny?
Oh, right, everyone. Ever. Sorry.

Something something woke culture ruining whatever. I mean, the funny funny jokes practically write themselves. Arroyo went on to add:

"We loved those heroes. We just wanted them to get the bad guys, not venereal disease."

-Raymond Arroyo, thanks 

folks, he'll be here all night, 

try the waiters, tip the veal

Josh Mandel, some guy running for Senate in Ohio, said "They are literally trying to destroy America." Which is weird coming from a member of a party that literally tried to do a coup. And in self-owns, Arizona Representative Wendy Rodgers posted that Superman Loves Louis (sic) Lane before suggesting that DC rename bi-Superman Thooperman, because you know how the gays are always lisping? Oh that Wendy...what a card. 

A hate-filled, homophobic, fascist, gun-obsessed, anti-choice, 
Trump-cult, insurrectionist card. Also, does she know you don't
have to write "period?" You can just up a period at the end.

Pictured: that time Commissioner
Gordon wearing a robot bunny suit
filled in for Batman.

Ok, obviously she meant to say Lois Lane and not Louis, but she doesn't actually know what she's talking about because like I mentioned before, this isn't the Superman most people are familiar with. This is Jonathan Kent, ex-Superboy and son of classic Superman and Lois Lane, so while I'm sure Jon loves his mom, Rodgers should probably have bothered to check before riding hard for oedipal Supes. And while this isn't as big as retconning Clark Kent's sexuality, Jonathan Kent is Superman, or at least a Superman (there are two Spier-Mans...Men? Spiders Man right now, so why not?). At least for the moment. DC (and Marvel for that matter) loves to make big, bold changes with their major comics, insisting that they're the new status quo, only to reverse them a few months later. But whatever, representation is representation and a Superman in the main continuity  is queer now and that's great. 

And sure, there are plenty of reasons to take issue with DC's narrative choices over the years. The frequent and inconsistent reboots, Wonder Woman snapping Max Lord's neck, that time they wussed out on Batwoman getting married and if anyone piping up about this had a real criticism that would be different. But then, this was never about criticism, this was about being shitty, so I don't know, good job? 

"What a beautiful day! So many way to be
shitty to other people, where to even begin?"

-Conservatives, apparently