Today in lame ducks pardoning turkeys:

Hey, you know how we're slogging through a pandemic while a lame duck President is continuing to sew discord and mistrust in American democracy while trying to sell off Alaska's remaining wildlife preserves on his way out the door? Well you can relax, because everything's normal, see:

Pictured: The President and Mrs. Typhoid Mary, seen here
taking part in one of the dumber American traditions.
Not Pictured: Goddamn masks on either one of them.

I don't know, I guess they're just
huge fans of human suffering.

Only in the alternate universe we live in now can a septuagenarian reality TV star impossibly catapulted into the most powerful office in the world commute a turkey's death sentence with a wave of the hand, and we all call it normal. Incidentally, of the thousands of the immigrant children he ordered rounded up to make the MAGA crowd happy, we still can't find about five hundred of their parents. I bring this up because the annual turkey pardon is like this quaint photo op and all, but he's still basically a monster and I think it's important to bear that in mind. 

"Um, no."

-Jimmy Cater, 

having none of it

Anyway, I know this is all about tradition and America is hungry for some sense of normalcy, but even without off-brand Putin, the Turkey Pardon is pretty stupid. I did some research-in as far as looking something up on wikipedia counts as research-and the event is called The National Thanksgiving Turkey Presentation. Every year, The National Turkey Federation, evidently a thing, presents the president with a two live turkeys. They used to eat them, but now they pardon one or both, except that is for Jimmy Carter who wanted nothing to do with this nonsense.

"Sorry, I can't hear you over the
sound of I don't give a fuck."

-Soon to be former, but

not soon enough, AG, Barr

And look, I'm not a vegetarian, and both of this year's turkeys were pardoned, but I'm with Carter. This is preposterous and in incredibly poor taste in a country that still executes people. In fact, I just read this today: Attorney General William Barr just scheduled three executions. Which isn't unusual, we're basically barbarians, but what is unusual is that since 1889, outgoing attorneys general have refrained from moving forward with executions, leaving it up to the new president. But not William Barr. He's trying to squeeze a few more in before Joe Biden, who is (now anyway) anti-capital punishment, is sworn in.

Yup. Three death row inmates who might otherwise see their sentences commuted to life in prison are going to be executed early because William Barr loves lethal injection and wants to get a few more in before he cleans out his desk. But sure, let's watch the President make some funny, funny jokes about pardoning a turkey and pretend that millions of people aren't flying home to give grandma COVID this Thanksgiving.

I suppose we should just be glad that the President didn't
have anyone beaten or tear-gassed for this photo op.
I...I assume, I mean, I don't know that for sure.