Today in political theatre:

Just when you though the American right couldn't become more of a parody of its own propagandist, persecution complex-having, thinks they're funny selves, they go and put on a play at this year's Conservative Political Action Conference about the FBI agents who talked shit about Trump via text.

"Move over Hadestown, there's a new voice in American Theatre!"

-Literally no one in the world,

like, not even ironically

Anyone else wish this dog with a bone
 were the President instead of Trump?

Conservatives, long left out by the arts owning to their being misogynistic shit merchants propping up a racist patriarchy, will finally take to the stage in a play based on Lisa Page's and Peter Strzok's text messages. They're the FBI agents whose anti-Trump text messages apparently now justify every shitty fascist move the Republican party have ever pulled. Remember? Of course you don't. But Republicans sure do, evidently Trump's been trotting out the FBI lovers at his rallies. He's like a dog with a bone.

Page and Strzok were on the Mueller investigation, but were pulled off of it when the texts came to light. It's not that there was any evidence of the anti-Trump conspiracy Republicans insist is out there, but because it was, let's say, indecorous. Mueller wanted the investigation to be above accusations of bias. And fortunately never happened (source: sarcasm).

If there was a conspiracy, wouldn't Hillary Clinton be President
right now-nevermind, sorry, these aren't reasonable people. 

It must be his charm.

Incidentally, Trump won the election (sort of), appointed two Supreme Court Justices, was acquitted in a party-line impeachment trial in which he openly threatened anyone who stepped out of line which itself is an impeachable offense. Oh, and just last week he retaliated against his political enemies for testifying against him in said impeachment trial-which is another impeachable offense. Any other President would have been led away in handcuffs, so what is it with this guy?

Well, they both have dumb hair, but I
was talking specifically about Romney.

Speaking of threats, Mitt Romney has been formally uninvited to the CPAC because he had the temerity to vote against the President getting carte blanch to commit crime, and the chairman in concerned about the Senator's safety. And while I'm not a fan of the guy and his dumb hair, but at what point can we finally admit that while half the Senate identifies as GOP, it's no longer a political party with ideals or a platform or anything, but more of a creepy cult of personality built around the former host of The Apprentice.

Hey they've got Rob Schneider...
Sorry, I'm just being mean now.

Anyway, the play (well, the thing we're going to generously describe as a play) is called FBI Lovebirds: Undercovers and in addition to the content of the texts will include reenactments of the agents' congressional hearings. It will also undoubtedly feature the kind of crisp, witty writing that gives us the title FBI Lovebirds colon Undercovers. See that? There's a double meaning there. They're having sex. Conservatives. They're just naturally funny people. Speaking of, guess who's in it? Go on, guess.

Here's Cain as Superman. Now imagine
he's mocking the disabled or railing against
hispanic people. Cool career move, Dean.

What's that? Nope, you're way off. Dean Cain and Kristy Swanson. You might remember Cain as Superman from Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, and Swanson was Buffy in Buffy The Vampire Slayer. No, not the good one, the one from the movie with Luke Perry. They're apparently Trump people-Cain and Swanson, not Luke Perry, which is going to make going back to either one of those things kind of weird and gross. I know it shouldn't, but it does. I mean, one could argue that supporting Trump doesn't mean you support everything he does, but one would be wrong.

But back to the play. While it may sound like I'm judging this work of-well, not art...shitty world-view propaganda? Is there a word for that? Doesn't matter, while it may sound like I'm judging it, that's because I am. I'm not qualified to say what is and is not art. I don't think anyone is. But a bunch of right wing goons circle jerking to how they're the victims of left wing conspiracies is probably not art by any reasonable definition.

Finally, conservatives will have their Angels in America:
Superman and Buffy dry humping while they read a couple
of FBI agents' texts. Know your audience, right?