To Boldly Shill!

Get it? Because he says he-yah instead
of...look he's British and-oh forget it.

Look, I'm a big huge nerd and fan of Star Trek, but the line, as they say, must be drawn he-yah. What line you may ask? Why the wine line. I guess it's not really the wine that's bothering me but just the-huh? Oh, right, I should probably explain. Remember how we about the new Star Trek show that's starting up next year? It's going to be about on an aged Jean-Luc Picard slipping on his unitard for one more adventure. You don't? Well we did. Like last week.

Anyway, the trailer has Jean-Luc tending his family vineyards in future France which is weird, because you'd think they'd have robots, but whatever. Welp, it turns out that there really is Chateau Picard vineyard in France.

In the teaser trailer, Picard's vineyard hint at his longing to
return to his old life in Starfleet. I guess they're saving his
mashed potato sculptures for the mid-season finale.

Oh! Good nose, sort of earthy with
a hint of...is that cross-promotion?

-Wine Snobs

Most of us would see a fun coincidence, but the people at at CBS saw an opportunity to leverage the shit out out of their IP and partnered with Chateau Picard and a wine company called Wines that Rock in a ménage a trois of synergistic brand recognition. The result? Star Trek wine. Yes, for just $120 you could be drinking limited edition pretend future wine. Well, I mean, the wine's real, they just printed vintage 2386 on it. And you just pretend that a fictional space captain made it-which is also weird, because on Star Trek there's no money in the future, so shouldn't this be free?

It's uh...well its...hey, remember that
time I saved the Earth from the Borg?

-Jean-Luc, on his side hustle

You know, for the betterment of all mankind or whatever? Which raises another point. Do we have any reason to believe that Picard is good at winemaking? If you're familiar with the series, and I'll assume you are, his brother was the vintner while Jean-Luc was off being a starship captain. He's only taking over the vineyard because he's eighty and retired and his luddite brother didn't believe in smoke detectors and died in a fire. He's at best an amateur. Do any of your friends make soap and sell it on Etsy on the side? Because that's the quality of wine you can expect.

Oh well, it doesn't matter I suppose because get this, they've already sold out. That's right, you have snost and lost. I guess they underestimated how much Star Trek fans like to drink. Anyway, while we're all eagerly waiting for the next batch, maybe it's time to stop and reevaluate our fandom. We could grab a box of wine from the grocery store, stream some TNG and just pretend our wine comes from the future. So my place? Say, eight?

Evidently it was a little too limited.