Nobody elected him firefighter...

So in a catastrophic blow to France, the Catholic Church and everyone in the world, Notre Dame is on fire. Like right now. It's horrifying, and I'm not French, I'm not Catholic and I don't mind telling you that I kinda want to cry. That said:

Are you for goddamn kidding me?

"How do you say? Stay in your line?"

-President Macron

No, I'm not kidding me. The best the winner of 2016's electoral college nonsense could muster as he jabbed his pudgy hand sausages at his tweeter is a preposterous suggestion that the French people need his input about not only how to fight the fire, but also that they should probably move quickly. You know, because fire. I'm sure the people of France are, right now, breathing a sigh of relief that the former host of The Apprentice is on the case.

Above: The floor of Notre Dame

(source: an idiot)

Look, I'm not a firefighter, I'm not an expert, but then neither is he. I know, right? Despite his recent and super-helpful admonishment that CalFire needs to do more raking because one time he met the President of Finland and nevermind-I'm going to go ahead and offer a couple suggestions about why the President should shut up. First, Paris isn't located in a forest, much less one in which forest fires are common. Second, I'm not sure dropping tons of water on a populated area is the best move. Third, shut up. Shut up you ridiculous man.

Say one of these people?

I don't want to tell him how to bloviate, but the correct response to this is something like:

"I think I speak for all Americans when I say that this is a tragic loss for France and the world. Our thoughts are with the french people today."

-Any other hypothetical 

occupant of the Oval Office