Super legit you guys...

Wai-wai-wait, is she saying that we should stop giving liars a platform? And whose killing babies now? Who am I talking about? I'm glad I pretended you asked, because in a rare appearance by the White House Press Secretary at an even rarer press conference, Sarah Huckabee Sande-huh? Oh, it's a sort of question and answer thing Press Secretaries used to hold with journalists.

Pictured: A White House Press conference seen here frolicking near a pond.

So obviously the big questions we all want answered are things like, how guilty is the President of all those crimes Micheal Cohen told Congress about and when can we expect him to resign.

Yes, she's right, we should stop
giving liars a platform...

Here's what Sarah Huckabee Sanders said instead:

"We know that he's lied at least twice in that hearing. I think it's time to stop giving him a platform, uh, let him serve his time and let's move forward with matters of the country."

-Press Secretary Huckabee
Sanders while standing
on a literal platform

I mean, did CNN's Jim Acosta honestly
think he was going to get a real answer?
Or did he know from the get go that she
was going to call the DNC baby-killers?

Do we know that though? That he lied? Anyway, then, because Trump the conversation turned to questions about whether or not Huckabee Sanders believes that he (Trump) believes that Democrats hate Jews which...holy shit, here we are. After making critical comments about America's support for Israel, Democratic Representative Ilhan Omar was accused of anti-Semitism and Democrats were accused of not coming down hard enough on her but what this isn't about was abortion which is why it's weird that Huckabee Sanders brought up abortion when asked if maybe it isn't time to tone down the rhetoric.

Pictured: Nancy Pelosi and House
Democrats just thinking about killing babies.

"I think that the real uh...shame in all of this is that Democrats are perfectly capable of coming together and agreeing on the fact that they're comfortable with ripping babies straight from the mother's womb or killing a baby after birth but they have a hard time condemning the type of comments from congresswoman Omar."

-Sarah Huckabee Sanders...on how

Democrats love killing babies

I'm familiar with it and
I'm just some guy.

Holy shit, right? So after accusing the entire Democratic party being anti-Semetic baby-murderers, she was asked about the checks Donald Trump signed and Micheal Cohen offered as evidence that the President reimbursed him for paying off Stormy Daniels. She said she was unaware of them. Like, if you watch the press conference she's apparently not aware of a lot of things. But I mean, shouldn't she be? Aware of the checks? So I guess the question is, is she lying, bad at her job or both?

"He's so not guilty of campaign
violations you guys, he even said so."

I know she hasn't press secretary'd in like a month and a half so maybe she's out of practice? Next she went on to assure us that there's totally no crime here, because the President said so:

"The President's been clear that there wasn't a campaign violation."

-Huckabee Sanders,
without a hint of irony

Cool, so the Press Secretary who moments earlier claimed to be unfamiliar with the Cohen hearing and the checks with Trump's signature on them-which we all totally saw-is now asking us to take the President at his word that there wasn't a campaign finance violation. Sounds super legit. And like, why would he lie? It's not like he's ever going to prison.

Because he's rich and white. Not because he isn't guilty. Huh? Whose that?
Oh, that's just Cindy Yang. She's a massage parlor owner whose been selling
access to the President at his private golf club to Chinese executives. Enjoy.