Times that try nerd's souls

"But as president everything he does is, by
 definition, legal. Ipso facto, emptor caveat."

-Rudy Giuliani, lawyer/buffoon

Sure, it may feel like our country is tearing itself apart like never before. I've heard it said that we're at our most polarized since the Civil War. Left vs. right, Red State vs. Blue State, Democrat vs. Republican. Americans are divided over things like health care, immigration and how many crimes the President is allowed to commit before we, like you know, ask him to stop. But as someone who grew up in the eighties and nineties, I can tell you that we've been through worse.

Some of you might be too young to remember, but we once had to choose between three entirely different 16-bit video game consoles. It...it still keeps me up some nights.

You don't know the things I've seen...

"Super Nintendo or Super Scamtendo?
We'll have more after the break."

-Anchors on slow news days

It was a conflict that pitted brother against brother, sister against sister, parents against children because now they have to buy another goddamn gaming system. 

"You're telling me the new Super Mario won't work on my kids Nintendo? And now I've got to buy them a Super Nintendo? Sounds like some kind of scam to me."

-Parents in the 90's,

 angry about technology

These were difficult years for our nation, so you're probably wondering why I'm reopening these old wounds. Welp, it's because someone's making a miniseries out of the book Console Wars. Never heard of it? That's probably because you don't care that much about the video game industry and the shake up that happened between the eight and sixteen bit console generations. Congratulations, you probably lead a well-rounded life full of fulfilling relationships and diverse interests.

And that's swell, but do you have to keep shoving it in our faces?

"Hey Tim, I'd like to engage in sexual
intercourse with you. In exchange for
professional considerations, of course."

I however, suffered through both Console Wars the book and Console Wars the console wars. I say suffer through because while Console Wars is undeniably well researched and full of rich detail about the people and events of perhaps the most formative years of the modern video game industry it's also kind of shit. The author, Blake J. Harris, for reasons passing understanding decided to dramatize his otherwise informative story, inventing stiff, unnatural sounding dialogue for the 'characters.' It's off-putting and reads like a novelization of the harassment prevention training videos you had to watch at work.

"Yesssss...words sustain us...all that is
written is but grist for our mill..."

-Reed Hastings, Netflix CEO

But since everything that exists is fair game for streaming services, the TV show is happening whether I think it's a good idea or not. And as awkward as it is I guess Harris's choice of a narrative structure probably does lend itself better to television. And it's being produced by Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg who, among other things produced Future Man, which is great and it's being directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts who did Kong on Skull Island which was also pretty good. So I guess there's at least hope that the series can rise above Harris's dialogue issues.

On the other hand, it's a clunky narrative about some fairly unlikable business people negotiating deals, stabbing each other in the back and neglecting their families all in the pursuit of increased revenue and stock options so like...good luck.

Pictured: Ted Kalinske, then CEO of Sega of America and-no, not the Unabomber...
you might be thinking of Ted Kazynzcy. Although Ted Kalinske is partly responsible
 for Sonic the Hedgehog, so it's not like he doesn't have a lot to answer for as well.