A metaphorical truck full of lies and slander!

So Senator Lindsay Graham, whom you might remember as the red-faced, finger waggling defender of accused rapist/Trump Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh went on This Week with George Stephanopoulos to, to the surprise of no one, defend, red-facedly and with much finger waggling, Brett Kavanaugh:

"Even asking Brett Kavanaugh if Dr. Ford's accusations of sexual assault
are true is the greatest injustice ever perpetrated against anyone ever."

-Senator Lindsay Graham

(actual quote)*

Or is this a metaphorical truck driven
by Hillary Clinton and fully loaded
with slander and false accusations?

"I'm offended by the fact that anyone would hold it against Brett Kavanaugh that he was upset by the way he was treated. Words were put in his mouth that he didn't say, he's accused of being a game rapist, a bubbling, stumbling drunk, a degenerate person and he was hit by a truck and my problem is with the people who did this to him, not how he responded."

-Senator Lindsay Graham on how-

wait, who got hit with a truck?

In some ways, he's the Rosa Parks of
white, southern men. But in many more
ways, he's everything wrong with America.

Which, look, I think we all get that Lindsay Graham is a friend of Brett Kavanaugh and is offended both personally and as a single white man from South Carolina who is told he should shut up (which is probably good advice), that anyone would dare interfere with the nominee's coronation but then this process isn't really about what is and is not fair to Brett Kavanaugh or Lindsay Graham, right? I mean, it's supposed to be about making sure we don't put a violent, hot-tempered misogynistic goon on the Supreme Court. You know, again.

But whatever, the Republicans want to frame this as a bunch of powerful white men sticking up for the boozy, entitled behavior of their privileged Yale pal. And cool, lean into that guys.

"What? We're the big tent party. We welcome everyone: rich white men,
poor white men who think they might be rich someday so they vote against
their own interests. Oh, and accused rapists. We've got lots of those."

-The GOP, apparently just 

not giving a shit anymore

But what I want to know is what the shit is up with Lindsay Graham simultaneously supporting the Brett Kavanaugh can do no wrong narrative while insisting that Christine Blasey Ford is the victim of Democratic politics but is also a liar.

Yeah, but if the funnel fits...

Stephanapolous asked him if the fact that FBI investigators would not be speaking to witnesses whose stories contradict Kavanaugh's recollection of his drinking habits makes this investigation not so thorough:

"No, I think you're trying to portray him as a stumbling, bumbling, drunk gang-rapist who during high school and college was Bill Cosby..."

-Lindsay Graham, going

right for the Cosby

Wow, so the first take away here is that he sure loves the phrase 'stumbling, bumbling drunk gang-rapist.'

The second is that the plan here I guess is to go from zero to hostile. Graham on to explain that since Democrats want Dr. Ford's accusations to be taken seriously, he's going to call for an investigation of Diane Feinstein's staff because...uh...because.

"Or we could investigate the serious and credible 
accusations of assault made against a man
we're about to put appoint to the Court for life."

-Diane Feinstein

"What we will investigate is who in Diane Feinstein's office referred Dr. Ford to Ms. Katz's illegal, inappropriate in the Senate [sic, as in, I don't know what he's saying] so the FBI will do a supplemental background investigation and then I'm going to call for an investigation by-of what happened in this committee, who betrayed Dr. Ford's trust...We're going to do a wholesale, full-scale investigation of what I think was a despicable process to deter it from happening again."

-Graham, calling for the FBI to 

get to the bottom of this nonsense

"A liquid metal Terminator might have
assumed the form of Brett Kavanaugh."

-Graham, having it both ways

Yes, a wholesale and full-scale investigation of what now? What seriously makes my brain leak out through my ears here is how Lindsay Graham can take both the accuser and the accused's sides. Like, sure, he firmly believes that Kavanaugh is innocent and that Dr. Ford is just out to ruin him, because, you know, women, but he also tries appear as though he has Dr. Ford's interests in mind, going so far as to call her a victim of Democratic intrigue last week. But either Kavanaugh is guilty and Graham has to vote against him because holy shit, or he's not and he has to call Dr. Ford a liar.

But instead Graham's assertion is that what the American people really want to know is not whether or not the next Supreme Court Justice is a rapist, it's who betrayed the trust of his accuser. An accuser who he insists is totally making shit up because Kavanaugh is just a swell guy and Diane Feinstein and the Democrats should be ashamed of themselves for turning this into a circus.

Pictured: Noted sexual assault enthusiast Donald Trump and
the totally innocent victim of Democratic slander (who also
happens to believe in the President's absolute immunity
from prosecution) he's nominated to the Supreme Court.

*well, pretty much